Our Story - Part 2

...Three months go by and I find myself face down on the floor with tears.

It was a Sunday evening. 

I remember so clearly laying face down on my floor beside my bed.  That place was very special and sacred to me.  No one would interrupt me or find me there because I was hidden from the view of anyone walking by my bedroom door.  It was a place I went often to be silent and just meet with the Lord.

That particular night I felt like the Lord was pressing into my heart, "It's time to move forward Megan.  It's time to do this.  It's time to consider the man you'll marry."

I remember just crying these very big tears... not really knowing where they were coming from, but so clearly feeling like it was from Him.  It was as if all of my fear came out in those big alligator tears.  Like I was releasing it all and handing it over to the Lord.

It was truly a moment that I simply cannot explain to anyone, but yet so very special to me.

The next day (Monday) at work Lauren stopped me again in the hallway, "I just really want you to meet Mark!!  Will you please go out with him?"

"Okay!! Yeah!" came out with no hesitation. 

My thoughts flashed back to myself laying face down on the floor in my bedroom.  And even though I had no idea what the outcome of our date would be, at the same time I felt like I knew.  Is it even possible to know, but not know at the same time?!  lol I'm not sure, but that's what it felt like!

Lauren seemed completely shocked and totally overcome with excitement, "Oh my gosh!! Are you serious?!  Megan, yall are so going to get married!!  I really just think you will!!"

I laughed OUT loud and told her that she really must not know who she is speaking to, but yes I am serious; I will totally go!

If only it were that simple and clear.  In comes the curve ball...

Our Story - Part 1

My first year of teaching contained a lot of "meetings"... new teacher orientations to start off the year and monthly meetings with all the other new teachers in the district.  It was at those meetings that I met Lauren, the new kindergarten teacher on my campus.  We weren't on the same hall so we didn't get to see each other very often, but we instantly had a connection since we were both "new".

My second year of teaching my classroom got moved right next door to Lauren's classroom.  Our friendship grew more that year because we were able to see each other throughout the day at work.  She asked me more times than I can remember if I would go out with this guy friend she had from church.

I never answered.  Don't know why.  Just didn't.

Actually, I think I was burnt out on all the fifty thousand blind dates I had been on.

I cannot tell you how many times we would be somewhere and she would say, "I want to set her up with Mark!!  Don't you think they'd be cute together!"

Finally, just so she would stop asking (ha), I told her I would meet him.  She told him to send me a message on facebook so we could start getting to know each other.

That was in August of 2011 and well....

the message.

It was long.  A big run-on with lots of questions and oh my gracious.

That was it for me.  I was turned off and done.

Can you tell I went in looking for something wrong so I had an excuse to run? 

I mean where was the, "THIS IS IT MEGAN!  MARRY HIM!" written in the sky.  I mean did the Lord not get my memo?!  :)

I never responded to his email.

We laugh about it now because it's just so funny!  Okay, so maybe Mark doesn't laugh, but it really does make our story that much more special!  :)  

Three months go by and I find myself face down on the floor of my bedroom with tears...

Introduction to Our Story

There have been many times over the past few weeks that I've wanted to sit down and write out our story.

Not because it's perfect.  No, that's not it at all.

You see... I was terrified about relationships.

For most of you that is not new information.  Just search around the blog and you'll see - or don't!  You can't say I didn't warn you! :)

The fact that Mark and I are getting married is truly a testimony to the Lord's faithfulness and His abundant plans for our lives. 

A few years ago, after some hard events in my life I prayed to the Lord to please just not let me date again.   I begged Him. "I don't want to go out with anyone again until it's the one that You have for me.  I don't want to call anyone BOYFRIEND, until it's him."

I'd heard other girls pray that prayer before and I thought - yep, let's do it.

It didn't take long for me to realize that my motivation for that prayer was all wrong.  I didn't want to date because I was absolutely terrified.  I didn't want the past to be repeated.  The pain was just not worth it.  I was content just sitting and waiting until He very clearly YELLED - THIS IS IT MEGAN, MARRY HIM... and pushed me into my future husbands arms.

The year I prayed that prayer I went on seriously about 10 blind dates.  God really has a sense of humor huh?!  :)

After a few of those dates I realized that He wasn't trying to frustrate and confuse me by contradicting my prayer, but instead showing me what desires He had placed in my heart for my future husband.  And possibly helping me overcome some serious issues of fear I clearly had.

Four years.

That's how long I went without calling anyone - BOYFRIEND.  And I was perfectly happy that way.  While my prayer might have had some funny motives, it was one of the best decisions I ever made because I was able to find my identity in Christ and really grow into who He had created me to be.

It was in those years that a lot of pruning and questioning and doubting and so much more took place.  I needed to dig through a lot of that on my own and make my own decisions.

Now, yes, I was like every other girl who wanted to find her man, but I also was so okay with waiting on His timing.  My past taught me that His plans and timing were so much better than anything I could force to happen - even on my best day ;)  I truly got to a place where I was content being single and trusted His plans.  That in itself is a gift from God - nothing my flesh could muster up!

So... this is really more for me than anyone else... because I want to write it down.

But I hope that maybe someone is encouraged by our story.  That maybe your faith in Christ is strengthened by something you read.

Just please remember that I am only a kindergarten teacher and so not a pro when it comes to grammar.  ;)

Check back later...

The Proposal

Mark is one of those "I so don't want to be predictable" guys...

and boy did it work out well today!!

We have, what we call, Wacky Wednesday Meetings every Wednesday to meet as a whole team and do lesson plans for the next week.  For some reason this week we changed planning times with the Third Grade team.  We were meeting at the very end of the day instead of first thing in the morning. 

When we started our meeting one of the Reading Interventionist who leads our meeting announced that we were going to be leaving a little early to go watch a First Grade Teacher do a Writing lesson.

I thought to myself, 'we just went to a writing workshop on that very thing... why are we going to watch her teach?  Did someone get confused when teaching it this week and want to see it in action? When did they decide this?  I never got an email!' 

I even turned to our Assisstant Principal who was sitting next to me and asked, "Are we all going to her classroom? Like, all 14 of us?  That's a lot of teachers in one tiny classroom full of children!!"

A few minutes into our planning time the teacher sitting next to me got up and left the room for what I assumed was a phone call.  Little did I know the receptionist in the office sent her a text to let her know that Mark was there and ready to set things up.

She went to get my kids out of PE and took them to my classroom to introduce them to Mark and my sister.  She also explained to them what Mark was going to be doing.  Here are their faces...

So we finish up our meeting and grab all of our things to head to "watch this lesson" done by a First Grade teacher. 

Now, we have four halls and each hall contains a different grade level of kids; kinder hall, first grade hall, etc..  I am the "overflow" Kindergarten teacher who just happens to be on the First Grade hall.  We had to pass my room to get to this first grade teachers classroom. 

As we are walking by my classroom my Assisstant Principal turned to me and said, "Oh, Megan, can you grab your writing planner I left mine on my desk and don't want to walk all the way up to the office to get it..." 

When I opened the door, my students were all standing there holding a long sign that said, "Miss Kilgore, Will you marry Mark?"

The first thing that came out was a huge gasp and SHUT UP!!!! 

Yep.  I said the "s" word infront of my students!!

It all happened so fast and there were so many thoughts going through my head.  Like - who is that girl holding that video camera? (my sister) and where is Mark? (I didn't see him at first)  Am I suppose to call him?  Is this really happening today? That's why YOU left our meeting early?!

I finally saw him to the side on his knee and like my normal "blonde" self asked, "Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?"

He explained that he was there to see if I would marry him!  I fumbled to get my true love waits ring off and he slipped my PERFECT ring on in its place! 

I have ALWAYS said that he is the SWEETEST, most THOUGHTFUL man I have ever met.  He is five years older than I am and I am so thankful, not only, that he is established and mature, but that he waited all these years on me.  

Here is a look back at my list that I felt lead to do a few years ago in faith to God -

My Future Husband will...
Love the Lord with all his heart and stand firm in what he believes
Know what he believes and why (and that it would align with my beliefs)
Be accepted by my family and get along with them extremely well - especially my father
Make me laugh, but know when to be serious

If you know Mark well, you know he is all of those things and more...

And, in true Mark style the proposal was... very unpredictable  :)

Thank you babe for putting so much thought into it... even though I got frustrated with time issues and asked you to marry me first a few weeks ago ;)  You did PERFECT!!  Thank you for your continued patience and for reminding me so much of Christ's love!

Thank you to my wonderful team, principals, and EVERYONE at North that made this possible - not to mention, kept it secret for WEEKS!  You made this chick feel extremely blessed!

Thank you to my family (and many friends) who encouraged me to "keep this one around because something in your spirit says he is it"  :)

Thank you Lord for simply being You. You are so faithful.  May You have every bit of the glory...

In the specific, powerful name of Jesus.

Beauty in Seasons

I've heard it said that there is beauty in every season.

Each season holds its own challenges, but also it's own joys.

I don't know about you, but for me it's much easier to notice, and focus on, the challenges rather than the joy and beauty that each season brings.

My grandfather (we call him Papa), has Parkinson's disease.  The past few weeks have been anything but joy-filled.

In case you aren't familiar with this disease, here are some facts:

Parkinson disease (PD) is a progressive movement disorder marked by tremors, rigidity, slow movements (bradykinesia), and posture instability. It occurs when cells in one of the movement-control centers of the brain begin to die for unknown reasons. (http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Parkinson+disease)

Some symptoms that you might see are slowed motion, rigidity of muscles, tremors, changes in speech (slurring, hesitating, repeating words), Impaired posture, imbalance, problem with automatic movements and changing of facial expressions, lack of blinking, difficulty walking, stooping posture, shuffling gait, postural instability, impaired balance, impaired coordination, and difficulty swallowing.
( http://www.patientsmedical.com/healthaz/parkinsons/default.aspx)

One of the most frustrating things for me is watching Papa attempt to do something that he use to do so well.  He knows how to do it, but his brain and body won't work together to let him do it anymore.

Helpless.

We were down at his house a few weeks ago singing around the piano while he sat in his recliner listening.  My papa, the best piano player you will ever hear, struggled to get out of the chair, "I recognize that tune.  I want to play."

I stood to the side, knowing that he wouldn't be able to do it, fighting back tears.  We moved him to the bench where he sat and tried his best to bang out the notes.

I snapped this picture because it's been years since he has even sat at the piano bench.  The last time he got so frustrated that he couldn't play, he declared he'd never do it again.  I wanted so bad to snap my fingers and make his brain work to tell his fingers what to do, but his body simply couldn't move to play the notes that his brain recognized as a 'familiar tune'.

On Monday (two weeks ago) he told my mom to pick out his burial suit.

Tired. Done. Fight over.

On Friday of the same week, he fell.  Within an hour his fever spiked, vitals dropped, and he became completely unresponsive.  He was put on a ventilator and all family was called to the hospital.  "Papa has taken a turn for the worse.  You need to head here as soon as you can."

Not my favorite phone call.

Amazingly, he is home today with home health and still fighting.  That long weekend was overwhelming, but it taught me some things.

There is beauty in every season... Sometimes you just have to be intentional in looking for it.

While I hate to watch my Papa helplessly live, I love to watch my father selflessly give.  I can't even put to words how beautiful it is to watch your own dad drop his work schedule and any "hobbies" to serve his father-in-law.  He is truly being the hands and feet of Jesus.

The nurse asked my mother the day we were leaving the hospital, "Is that man that was just in here your husband?  Because they have the sweetest relationship.  It has been a blessing to watch them interact."  I wish that you all could watch them interact as well.  It is truly a sweet thing to see.

 (My sister holding my papa's hand - one of his favorite things to do)

The truth is, Papa will not get better... he will continue to get worse.  And while that seems cruel to me, I know that He is good and there is beauty to be found.  That doesn't mean there won't be tears and frustration, but it does mean that He will hold us on the days that we can't hold ourselves, give us more grace, be our strength, and open our eyes to things we never imagined to see.

I am choosing today to trust that He will show me the beauty.


Do you need to adjust your thinking and focus in your current season of life?
Do you need to ask for intentional eyes?
Start today believing that He will show you. 
He. Is. Good.

Dream, Predict, Plan... The Day My Sister Gets Married

You dream about this day since you were a tiny little girl.  You wonder if you know the man you'll end up marrying, if he is right beside you the entire time, if you go to the same high school, or if it's a complete stranger.  You plan your wedding years before it's actually time.

and then you blink.

It's here.

Casie is the best sister and friend I could ever ask for.  The Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He made us sisters.

It's hard to put in words all that my sister means to me.  I wish I could really express it to you, but I can't.

Although she is younger than me, I look up to her in many ways.

She has a smile that lights up any room.  She has been the person I go to in any situation.  She is the best listener and has never once made me feel judged - even if it's a silly doubt that most people get annoyed with, laugh at, or even roll their eyes at... she is patient with me and acts as if she understands.  She.Is.There.

She is a true friend who will get up in the middle of the night if you need her.  I've seen it countless times when friends call her in the late night/early morning hours in a crisis cause they don't know who else to call.

She cries with me when I need to cry.  She listens when I need to vent.  She prays for me when I can't pray for myself.

She is my best friend.

Jordan is marrying one of the most genuine people i've ever met.  She doesn't pretend to know all the answers or be someone she is not.  She will love him honestly and whole-heartedly, and will always have his back.  He is truly a lucky man.

Casie and I have a prediction wall on the inside of our bathroom cabinet where we make predictions of who each other is going to marry.  It's so fun having a sister :)  When I added mine to the wall I told her, "I WILL BRING THIS OUT AT YOUR WEDDING! Cause mine is right!!"  And I did just that.  I showed it when I gave my Maid of Honor Speech last night.

We have known that Jordan and Casie would get married for years and really he is already considered part of our family.  As cliche as it sounds, I truly cannot picture her with anyone else.

While i'm so not ready for her to move out and will miss her even though she is only ten minutes away.... I love them both and am truly happy for them.

Jordan, thank you for loving my sister!

And Casie,  YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

A Change Gon' Come

It's as if the Lord decided I needed change in my life.

Notice I didn't say A change because that would imply that one thing in my life is changing.  No, friends, nearly every thing in my life is changing.

I recently got a job in a new district teaching Kindergarten (a new grade).  That obviously means a whole lot of new.  New friends, new students, new school, new classroom and furniture, new procedures and routines, new, new, new.  I know one person going into this year... and that is a bit frightening. 

But apparently i'm about to get over that real quick ha :)


 If you are friends with me on facebook you are very aware, probably more than you'd like to be, that my younger sister is getting married in four short days.  And about two weeks ago I finally realized that we are facing the first big "season change"...

I seriously bawled my stinkin' eyes out when I wrote my Maid Of Honor Novel, I mean speech, because it finally hit me - We are no longer in our "childhood".  We are officially grown up and will never live together again.  My sister is moving out, never to occupy the room next to me ever again.  We will never share a bathroom and cry and laugh and vent while the other uses the restroom or bathes.  When I stay out late at Mark's I won't come home to the lamp on so that I can see walking up the stairs.

so. much. change.

I think I cried all of my tears this past weekend so that hopefully I won't ruin the wedding with the ugly cry.

Please do not misunderstand me!  I am so very happy for my sister and know that this is the right time and completely God's will.  It's just going to be a big change... a part of life that we have just reached.  And i'm clinging to Jesus every step of the way.  I've always heard about getting older and embracing the joys in the different seasons of life.  It's a completely different thing to actually be standing at the door to said season.

And so I anxiously wait to see all that God does in these short weeks and all the many changes.

Our week is busy and full.... we would love your prayers as we squeeze in every moment of our time together :)

Love you all!