The Dramatic Events Lately

Sisterrrrrrrrrrrrs!!!

Oh, if I could share with you the dramatic events of my health lately I so would, but trust me when I say parts of it are T.M.I.

Just too much!

I will tell you that I found a gray hair on the floor when I was on my knees in my favorite place with the Lord. Lately, I've come to love that posture before Him and often i'll go to the same place. But apparently I have some stress up in this life because gray.hairs.people.

GRAY.HAIRS.

Not just one, but four.

Ah.

Quite a few people have been asking where I have been lately and while others of you may not care at all, I figured I might as well share.

Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst is the current book that i'm reading and if you haven't heard of it or added it to your list.... do so now. It's absolutely wonderful! The Truth's in this book are a lot of the same one's that I have been learning over the past two years. I love it when that happens!

Just a little breif summary for those of you who have no idea what Made To Crave is about - Lysa shares openly that she struggles with her weight and food. She says in her book that craving isn't a bad thing, but that the only thing that was meant to satisfy was God. She encourages us by letting us know that it is possible to overcome this battle with food. It doesn't have to be a continuous cycle.

One of the chapters talks about the skinny girls. I'm so glad she included that chapter in her book, because although I don't struggle with food or weight that doesn't mean I don't have my own issues or cravings. And trust me, you wouldn't want to swap your weaknesses for mine or anybody elses.

You may have read my post a few weeks ago about "Daring to believe that you can defeat the voice of impossible". Well, when I read Made To Crave the "thing" i'm believing that I can overcome is my addiction or craving for the internet.

Do I do anything bad on the internet? No.
Is everything about the internet bad? No.

But I do come home completely exhausted and sit and sit and sit and sit and sit. And then hours later I realize that I have wasted so much of my time. It frustrated me. It disgusted me. It bothered me.

My checklist had time with Jesus at the top, but I could feel in my heart that my checklist had free down time on the internet first. And Ladies, Jesus doesn't look at my checklist. He looks at my heart. And oh, how my heart so longed for Him. I wanted Him first in my heart. I wanted my heart to truly be satisfied by Him and Him ONLY.

It frustrated me. It disgusted me. It bothered me.

It bothered my soul.

I knew that I didn't want to fast or diet from the internet because..... I don't believe in diets.

I knew that what I needed was strength and victory from Jesus. And before I ever heard of Made To Crave or even knew it existed, I knew and believed and even felt Him speaking the same message to my heart about my internet issue.

I needed Him to help me overcome this area of my life. And I believe that it was possible.

I was tired of letting a THING control me. How silly.

So there you have it.

My computer crashed and will not turn on. My facebook sent me strange emails and I was afraid it may have a virus, so I haven't gotten on it in months. That explains where I have been in terms of that.

Thankfully, I find blogger completely beneficial to my life and I don't feel the Lord telling me to close shop, but I do want self-control and victory when it comes to time management.

So I haven't officialy sat down and made a plan, but in the back of my mind i've "made a plan" and if it's not on my plan i'm not going to do it. Right now, i've only been getting on during the weekends and honestly, sometimes i've done so well during the week that I'll pass up the opportunity to get on during the weekend.

In the meantime, I hope you guys are doing well and I hope you're growing intimately in love with the Lord Jesus Christ. He is so very good and I pray that you see that and sense that when you come to this place.

I love you all.

Easter Joy

The Kilgore Family Easter 2011

My precious, purple-wearing parents!

Fun Fact: If you look up orange on the color wheel blue is directly across from it. Meaning, those colors matched together will bring out the brighter boldness in each color. So fun! :)

Friends since birth. Literally. Practically Sisters. Love them like nobodies business.

They were so very thoughtful and kind to invite us over to eat for Easter! It was delicious! Afterwards we had an Easter Egg Hunt where the big kids were able to participate. Gift Cards and Money were in the "big" kid eggs. Here we are below with our findings!

It was a beautiful, blessed day where the joy and abundance of Jesus what absolutely evident!

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (eph 3:17b-19)

And may you truly taste and see that He is, indeed, so very good!

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory, forever and ever! Amen. (Eph 3:20-21)

The Past Weekend

Well, well... It's been a pretty busy week around our household. We just finished up our last performance of The Sacrifice, an Easter play we do at our church. The sister and I are merely town's people, but mom and dad have actual "names" (err parts) in the play. Dad is Pilate and mom is his wife, Perculia (totally not sure how to spell that). They start out in normal towns people street clothes and then switch during the middle of the play into their fancier garb. Mom's outfit is white and gold with a cape and all sorts of stuff. Once their big scene is over they switch back into their normal towns attire so that they can be a part of the end of the show. A few of my students came and it was so fun to see them afterwards. One of my little girls whom I love soooooooooooo very much ran up to my mother (keep in mind she is in her olive green regular towns clothing) and said (with her finger next to her mouth in deep thought), "ummmm... I thought you were the princess?" ha :) crack. me. up. It's always such a blessing and fun to be a part of the show. It is a great way to get to know people in your church whom you may see often, but not truly know. By the last performance we are typically drained in all aspects, but when it's over it is kinda sad that we won't be spending hours late into the night up at the church crunching to get everything just right. My sweet mother ran up to the school with me afterwards... in.the.dark. so that I could get my sub plans layed out juuuuuust perfectly. I'm prett anal when it comes to leaving my students with other people. While I know that things will be okay, i'm suuuuch a planner that it really gives me some anxiety to make sure that it's all layed out right. It's easier to just be there instead of take a day, but it's also so very biblical to rest. I definitely need a day to not only rest, but get some things done that I don't typically have time for (like oil change, tire rotation, shopping, cleaning my bedroom, etc..). But i'm definitely going to miss my kids. As the anxiety tried to creep in this afternoon when I had to leave my sub plans unfinished and the thoughts came flooding that it would be much easier to just beeee at school, I took a moment to turn it into a positive thought. I wouldn't be so concerned with getting my plans just right if I didn't care about my kids. And the fact that I want to be there instead of take a day once again fills my heart will joy, praise and thanks. I still wouldn't trade knowing He lead me there and that His passion and peace keep me going. He is good! I am nothing without You, Jesus. Be with my students tomorrow and my sub. Help me to find rest, yet to get some things done that need to be done. Life feels a little hectic here lately.... constantly going here and there. Will you help me see what doesn't need to be or how to manage time? I don't want to get so caught up in everything that I miss my purpose in You. Please allow your Reality and Truth to sink deep into my soul. Every area of my mind that needs to be replaced with bold confidence... Lord, please do for Your glory. I desire to know you more passionately and intimately with each day. To continue to taste and see that You are good... Praise Your Name!

Blogger Problems

Lately when I try to type a post there are no spaces inbetween my paragraphs when I hit publish. And since I stink at telling short stories, and for the most part typing short posts, I refuse to make you squint your eyes and suffer through reading a post. with. out. spaces. I have many things that I have wanted to share, but I guess you aren't suppose to hear them yet. arg. arg. arg. Hope you are all doing well!

The Starting Line

Dad and I didn't just start running when I moved back in the middle of college. Actually, our running adventures started way back in the sixth grade.

My PE coach made all of us try out during class one day for the annual Field Day events that were coming up in a few weeks. The results that day would determine who got to compete against all the other Marshall schools.

I don't remember setting out to win that race that day. I honestly can't even recall how hard I was pushing or even if I wanted to race on the big day. I don't even remember what I felt or thought when I did, indeed, place at my school.

What I do remember is a father who practiced with me in the backyard. Not only did he have more knowledge in this area, but he believed that I was capable. I trusted his wisdom. And honestly, it amazes me to this day that as a very young girl I decided to go with his coaching rather than run with my friends that day.

You see, my dad told me that all the others would take off running towards the prize at a very fast pace and soon burn out. He told me that I might be tempted to run with the crowd as well. But he also told me that if I hold out and pace myself at the right time I can kick it into gear and win the race.

And that is exactly what I did.

The race started and everyone took off. Even my friends. Leaving me trailing behind in last place the entire race. One of my friends kept turning around telling me to hurry up so that I didn't finish last. I heard my father the entire time and, therefore, tuned her out.

I believed him. Pushing truth into the noise of the world.

And just like he said, at the right time, and something in me just knew when that time was, I pushed through and passed every single one of those people infront of me. I came all the way from last place that day to being the winner, with a few seconds to spare between the second place runner. Not just striving, but thriving.

I remember what it felt like when I realized I had won. I couldn't wait to find my dad in the stands. I just knew he would be so proud.

"We did it, dad!"

I don't remember hesitating to believe my dad that day. It was never an option to question his wisdom. I went with what he said... he is my father. he loves me. Why would he want anything less than victory for his daugther? Even if it meant exhorting some effort, increasing some faith, truly trusting and trailing behind at first.

So my father may push a little harder than i'd like to go somedays, but it's only because he knows that victory lies on the other side if only I believe it for myself. He wouldn't push me beyond my limits.

And there in is the truth of our Heavenly Father. He only plants desires and dreams into your heart and soul, and then dares you to believe them because He knows what your limits are and if you just hold out, victory is on the other side. His plans for your life are those that involve abundance, power, prospering, and fullness. Push His truth into the noise of the world. Believe His wisdom. He loves you. Victory. His name is Jesus and it tastes so good. And sister, He believes in you. (yes, you)

Dare to believe it too.

Whatever it may be for you.

For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. So I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Matthew 9:26, Philippians 3:14

Made for More

Believing ties into faith.

We can't truly believe if we don't have faith.

No matter what it is that you are trying to accomplish; whether it be running a real race, overcoming your life-long struggle with bad eating habits, being a better wife and mother or branching out to that one dream or desire that you feel tugging on your heart... you must press on, all the while increasing faith.

Dare to believe. Defeat the voice of impossible.

When we head out into these "areas" of our lives that we desperately want to taste victory, we can feel extremely vulnerable. The outcome is unknown. Exactly how we are going to get there could be unknown. Just how much energy and effort it's going to take is unknown. How long it's going to last is unknown.

push. dig deeper. slow down, but don't stop.

We will get a little taste of what it is to live beyond that place. From impossible to possible. And i'm tempted to believe that even the tiniest little sip of victory in His name will push you even farther in accomplishing many other things. to the glory of God.

We were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth. - Lysa Terkeurst

You see, it isn't about "running" at all. It may be your way to finding that truth that Lysa is speaking of, but it's not about the running.

Lysa says in Made to Crave that remembering that truth - made for more - and saying it in the midst of all her mental assaults challenged and invigorated her all over again.

We were made for more.

We have to take the negative images and lies in our lives and find a truth to replace them. No doubt the assaults will keep coming, but the more you push the truth into it, the stronger you'll become and eventually.... you'll believe it.

We were made for more. Dare to believe it. Push past impossible.

How are we made for more like Lysa says? Why should we dare to believe that we can defeat that voice of impossible?

Because of the power available to us in Jesus name.

So yes, quoting Lysa once again, we need the truth of who we are and the power to live out that truth.

It's not about the running. It's not about becoming a writer. It's not about being a better mom. Those are simply the journey's and the circumstances that He uses so that you may know Him better.

He made us, not so that we can have perfect lives, but so that we can taste victory in the midst of our everyday mess. power. abundance. victory. all for the glory of God.

That's why we dare to believe and push past impossible.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1:17-19

Dare To Believe

...Running is our thing. You know, me and my dad.

He not only taught me to run, but taught me a life-long lesson through running.

"You are stronger than you think. You can push and dig deeper than you think. You may slow down, but don't you ever stop."

Isn't that true with life as well?

We believe the lies.

We don't think we are strong enough. We can't possibly push any harder, so we'll just stop altogether and sit here in self-pity while attempting to look like we have it together.

We believe the lies.

The lies that persuade us that impossible is where we will live.

"You can't do that. You will never be good enough."

The lies are much easier to believe.

Not only will it require a lot of faith from you, but the on-lookers watching us seem as though they are staring directly at us. Watching our every move.

Will they think i'm crazy for even attempting such a thing?

I'm convinced that we don't try because we are positive we are going to fail before we even start. So it's easier to just sit and do nothing than have someone see us in that weak place of failure. But for some of us the failure is just too much for us to bare within ourselves. We beat ourselves up sometimes more than others do.

And let me branch out for a second to say that sometimes even when we taste victory the enemy does everything in his power to diminish it. You just did your very best and no doubt it was awesome, but he still makes some of us believe that it wasn't good enough and that we are worthless. We have got to begin pushing the truth of Jesus into those places of worthlessness. As soon as we sense any piece of our being leaning towards believing that lie that we aren't enough... you believe His truth over any piece of that decieving lie.

Will I look like a fool for coming in last place?

To see a person accomplish something they never thought possible. To see someone not only exhort effort, but also faith, is beautiful. You are by no means a fool. And you are not running for anyone else, but yourself and the Lord. So take your eyes off the on-lookers and run for something deeper. If you are running for security or acceptance.... you've already lost. It's got to be more than just running. It's got to be something outside of yourself.

I dare you to believe. To move past the voice of impossible.

It will require faith. It will involve you dying to the opinions and acceptance of others. But it will be worth it.

In Jesus name...