Well, inservice began on Monday for teachers in our district. (tear) Thankfully we have a full week to let our bodies adjust to getting up early again before students come back. And when I say thankfully, I mean, this chick is THANK.FUL.
It's very easy to get stressed out during this first week leading up to the beginning of school. Some of the stress is obvious and expected, but other parts seem to come no matter how hard you try not to let it. The many meetings cause your brain to go into overload mode and inevitably you stress out... or in my case, quite possibly have a mini-anixety attack.
I jokingly have been saying, "Welcome to my new normal" each time that my heart flutters and I feel my jaw tingle. Not sure why it's hit me all of a sudden, but the doctor (and the test results) assure me that it's nothing to worry about! :)
Not sure what the Lord's up to, but i'm totally having to increase my faith this year.
In our meetings they always give us the big spill about loving our kids, forming relationships with our kids, knowing that all kids won't progress at the same rate, doing our very best to help each child succeed no matter how small and...... not to stress or worry about the BIG TEST at the end of the year, but to focus on the CHILD.
In the next meeting they tell us news that seems to counteract what they just said.
We were just told not to worry about the BIG TEST, but to focus on the important skills to be mastered and to teach each child at the rate that we see needs to be taught. Yet when our principal comes in to observe us and basically "grade" us as a teacher so that we know where we need to work, in the future the results our the BIG TEST will affect every teacher on our campus and factor into our "grade".
As a First Grade teacher I immediately thought "how unfair".... I don't even teach a grade level that takes a BIG TEST, but yet the results of those kids will affect my teaching grade for the year.
It's not only easy to stress out, but it's also easy to become negative.
I'm begging the Lord to interrupt me when my actions, words, or thoughts do not reflect Him or benefit me or those around me.
When there is a problem I want to find a solution instead of fuss.
When there is stress I want to increase faith instead of freak out.
So, literally, as i'm sitting in this meeting my thoughts are interrupted. If I believe my God is a soveriegn God then I have to choose to believe that no matter what my score ends up being (no matter how low), He is going to take care of me. If I move to another school and yes, they see my previous scores, I must choose to believe that my In-Control-God will provide a way to get me hired if that's where He wants me.
We live in a world where numbers and competition matter, but my God is God over the competition and the numbers. So who cares that other teachers and their students results affect my score. He promises to work things out for my good and tells me not to worry about the rest.
As I was leaving the school this evening I was fighting tears. There are currently 25 children in my classroom. Yes, that's above the state max. And since we let go of all the intervention and extra positions i'm not just "teacher".... I have to tackle a lot of things on my own. If I listed it for you, you would probably feel my stress and see why it's a bit overwhelming. I just try not to think about it to be honest.
Again, I'm learning to increase faith.
I must choose to believe that He is God and soveriegn even over this....
In the meantime, I would so appreciate your prayers! I am nothing without Him. I can do nothing in my classroom without Him. I beg Him daily for wisdom, guidance, passion and so much more for the following year.
My prayer is also to truly invest in my children, forgetting about the teachers and their students around me and if my class average is as high as theirs, but instead meeting my kids needs.... I need an outsiders eye with my insider job.
Love you all...
In Jesus' specific, powerful name.