James 3:3-10 says there is life and death in the tongue. A harsh thought to think on.
"So Megan, when are you going to find Mr. Right?"
Hands down, my favorite question to be asked. Not. If I had a dollar for everytime.... i'd buy me a lexus.
It's just that people ask that question as if i'm nothing single. They ask it as if my highest calling is to find Mr. Right.
Now, I know they don't mean it that way and I know that God created us as relational beings and... yada yada. That's not new information. It's just that, if anyone wants a husband just as much as every other girl... hello, it's me. And everytime I get asked that question it takes a little more faith.
Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavently realms. Ephesians 6:12
With each curious person digging into my dating life it's as if a bell dings inside that says - You are worthless alone. Heck, let's highlight the fact that you are, indeed, alone. Everyone else is all happy and junk, two whole stages ahead of you and here you are alone not getting any younger and somehow just not measuring up because you haven't found him. Yeah, yeah, God's timing is perfect and let's keep on trusting, but maybe you just let the good ones get by you. Maybe you're too picky.
Let me pause for a moment to say that - no, not everyday is like this. The days really and truly are fewer and less, but there are moments when they come that it's really hard. Especially when people throw out comments somehow meant to "help".
I learned a long time ago not to take it personal or to get upset with the person trying to encourage or simply have a conversation. And to take each "pity party" as a chance to cling harder to Jesus. My identity is found in Him, not my dating status.
The reality is.... there are times when I have to fight not to view myself as less..... not good enough... not as smart as my friends simply because they have experienced seasons of life that I haven't... not ready and somehow just not mature enough.
I know they are lies, but goodness they can be hard not to believe if i'm not careful.
My least favorite comment to hear is, "You just aren't ready yet or the Lord would have already sent him."
That is a load of bull-honkey. And since I have a lot of experience being single, let me just encourage you not to say it. It is not beneficial. And not true.
Just because a person is single does not make them any less ready or any less spiritually mature.
A single friend and I were talking the other night about learning our weaknesses so that when it's triggered you recognize the red flag and immediately rush in with Truth to counter the negative lie.
Being single is not my weakness, but like every single person there are moments when it's tough.
Janet Folger says in her book What's A Girl To Do (while waiting on Mr. Right) that the battle ground is the mind. It's not just true for single people, it's true for all. I'm convinced that each of our struggles start there, in the mind.
When I think about my close friends and their weaknesses (the ones that I know just how to fix ha) the thing lacking is truth and the thing present is negative lies. It's true for all of us. We just keep on letting the negative thoughts and words go round and round and round. We don't do anything to fight back.
We have step one down - be aware of yourself and your weaknesses.
But somehow we don't move on to step two - when said weakness is triggered speak Truth into it.
This post started out with a verse in James about the tongue having the power of life and death. We often think about the death part and forget about the life part. So maybe my steps are wrong.
step one - drench yourself in the Truth, the Life of God's word
step two - be aware of your weakness because the enemy will strike
step three - speak the Truth (outloud) into that place of negativity when he does strike
step four - begin to believe the truth over the lie
step five - victory (and repeat)
I despise "single" books. You know, the ones that try to encourage you that God has something to do in your life and you are blessed to be single and not tied down and so on and so on. I know there is so much truth in it, but there are moments when you just are tired of hearing it.
Then there are other moments when it has just what you need to hear. From Janet's book -
There is a God who intersected time and history to be nailed to a cross to pay your admission to heaven. That's how much He loves you. That's how much He wants to be with you. Regardless of where you are, regardless of what you feel or think. He is for you. And His plan for your life is best. Even when you feel differently. The good news is that our thoughts and feelings don't change the truth: God is for us.
He has not forgotten about me.
He still has plans for me.
He does have my best interest in mind.
And for me.... a whole lot more of faith building. Which, I know i'll be thankful for in the future, because my highest calling is not to find Mr. Right, but to find, know, and share Jesus. All other strivings will leave me empty. The funny thing, finding and falling in love with Mr. Right is ultimately still about Jesus.... and faith.