As i near graduation i can't help but think about some things i would have done differently. I know that's probably not the best thing to do, but it's part of who i am. sorry. :)
Moving back home has been a challenge. There have been times when i just wanted to curl up into a ball in this house and never leave. There have been other times when i wanted to run far far away and not speak to these people for a long time. Maybe you've had those moments too.
I made some stupid decisions (especially in the area of relationships) and that is ultimately what brought me back to live in this town with my parents. No, i wasn't being a wild child or anything... i don't want you to get the wrong impression about me. I just needed to get away from certain people.
I am so thankful that the Lord guided my steps in the midst of all my decisions, weaknesses, mistakes, and the chaos. Him bringing me back to this town, with this family, my home church, and so many amazing Godly friends was exactly what i needed. (He does know what He's doing!)
Yeah, i still struggle with the 'what ifs' from time to time and there are days when i dwell on the past more than i should, but He is teaching me so much. He is showing me how He continually works in our lives.... how He is (and will continue) finishing the good work He started in us.... how there can be beauty in brokenness....
He brought me back to this place to so that i could watch and know certain people.
And i am so blessed because of it.
There was a girl in my tennis class last semester who came up to me and asked if i had any advice for her. She was a freshman and wanted to know, from a senior, what i would have done differently if i had the chance. So here are my thoughts...
Make friends. It is so important that you get involved, even when you don't feel like it. You need relationships... no, i don't mean just boyfriend/girlfriend, i mean all kinds of relationships. Develop as many as you can. Spend time with people doing random things. Have fun. You will grow more than you think you will through other peoples lives.
Have confidence in who you are. I believe it is so important to have a positive view of yourself. If you do not accept or love yourself you will find yourself trying to get it from others. And let me warn you, you do not want to go down that path. So please... love who you are, be okay with it, accept it, and simply BE YOU. Don't worry about what everyone thinks. I know you hear that alot and it's so much easier said than done, but if you stop judging yourself, judging others, and tyring to be whoever and whatever you'll began to be okay with who God created you to be. You'll ruin the surprise for everyone else if you try to be someone/something you are not.
Do. I think one of the biggest things i've learned is to get out and DO things. Especially when you are trying to figure out what the Lord wants for your life and future. Somewhere along the way i was deceived into believing that one day i would wake up and the Lord would say, "Megan, i want you to be an elementary school teacher and i want you to marry so in so..." It doesn't just fall into your lap. He is powerful enough to do that and i praise His name for that, but a lot of our life is about seeking. So go out. Get involved. Try things. Go on mission trips. Intern. Work. Do it all. Even if it's to find out that you absolutely hate it. Because you'll never know until you try - and then He can speak to you through those situations. The 'what ifs' won't even be able to enter into your mind because you've tried things and know that it's not right for you or vice versa. I hope that makes sense.
Seek Him. I started out my freshman year so sold out and determined to live for the Lord. I can remember sitting on the bottom bunk that i called my bed each evening reading my bible and some devotionals i had at the time. I just wanted to do it right. I studied all the time. I got my homework done first then i would play. I wanted to be my best. And, for a while, i was. Then the new life became normal life and things began to slowly drift away. College is a time when you are no longer under anyone else. You are (some what) making your own decisions. Your faith is going to be challenged. You may even wonder why you believe what you believe. Dive into that stuff - don't run from it. Seek Him so hard... i mean hard. Find out His truth and be willing to do whatever it takes. Live it. Your life will change and you will be so amazed.
That's all i really have time for this evening. I have to teach a short lil' lesson in one of my classes tomorrow so i really should go prepare for that. I hope you all have a fantastic day! I love you!
And I love You, Lord!