Miss Kilgore

"I thinked really hard and all my stuff came out my head."

I believe this was my favorite quote of the day! After i asked a kindergarten student (politely) to sit down in his seat and think for a little while of a sentence to write, he came back and told me this statement.

Calling my subbing experience a challenge would be an understatement. Let's face it - i simply do not have the FIRM "i'm in control" look.

The 3rd day that i got scheduled to work i nearly lost my voice because i couldn't figure out a way to speak over the students or get their attention. I tried flipping the lights on and off. I tried raising my hand in the air. I tried counting to 3. I wanted to give up. I went home thinking, 'if yelling is what i have to do to be a teacher then i want no part of it'. There has got to be some other way to discipline a class and show them that you are boss without YELLING! I want to love them. I know that so many teachers don't realize all that goes on at home... sometimes school is the only place for students to get away. They need love there (especially if they aren't getting it at home). We all know that a child's behavior is due to something that is going on in their life. I'm not saying that it is an excuse for their behavior, i'm just saying we need to think about those things and learn who they are so that we can reach them in the most positive beneficial and productive way. But i realize it's not that easy.

I got one student sent to the principal's office with a refferal - and, yes, i felt terrible. I started second guessing and blaming myself.... then mom told me to let it go. He has apologized to me twice. One time it was over a week later when i passed him in the hallway. He stopped me, tapped my arm, and told me he was sorry. I'm thinking the kid really means it. lol.

The more i sub the easier it gets, the more i feel confident, the more i relax, the more i get to know the other teachers and feel okay asking questions, etc.... but still i haven't fallen in love with it yet.

I have this mental picture of the perfect teacher and the relationship she/he has with their students. I lay in my bed thinking about how i will act the following day.... and then i wake up and it's all gone. It's such a challenge, but i trust that He is working something through it all.

(And the extra money will be something i'm totally not used to.)

Don't get me wrong - i love babysitting - and i never expect the same amount of pay from each family that i sit for. I know that each family/parent has a different job, background, story, and situation... i always want them to choose what they can afford or what they believe i deserve (and if that's zero - i'm totally okay with that). I don't look at babysitting as a job. I see it as a growing experience for me to learn things that will help me be a better mom. But i must admit having a set amount that i get payed is going to be so different than what i'm used to. And my savings (i believe) will gladly appreciate it!

I've only subbed at my mom's school - which is such a blessing! - and i've mainly been with the Kindergarten students. Their little faces are becoming so familair. They welcome me with hugs everytime they see me. They even remember my name, although it's not always pronounced correctly. Today was the best day i've had so far - hopefully it will continue to get better.

Well I just wanted to drop in and update you on my SUB experience. Hope you are having a great week! I have homework that I really should get to. And the fun starts... now!