Not sure what is up lately, but I have been in a funk.
One of those, can't put your finger on it, funks.
Truly truly have no idea what's up. There is no stress of work. There is no stress really at all!!! Yet i'm having this ongoing panic/anxiety attack that's been going on for weeks now. Mom had to beat it into my thick head that it was simply an anxiety attack and nothing that I needed to freak out about.... easier said than done.
I've fallen on the floor many times simply because I felt like I needed to release some tears, but yet not sure what for or why.
As my funk seemed to hit a peak last night I remembered my pastors words from that morning, "Sit in silence before the Lord. If you wait there long enough, He will show up."
So... cute and obedient me.... I did.
I sat there.
Tears pouring out of somewhere.
And as I sat it was as if He was saying, "I get it, Megan. I get it."
Which caused more tears.
A friend popped up on my screen to chat and we unloaded ha. Both. Of. Us.
She listened to me. I listened to her. She offered advice. I offered advice.
When I was trying to find and give her some godly, biblical advice I typed in the words God is good. And again the tears just started to well up in my eyes. Even in that moment of hurt and confusion, over i'm not sure what, my soul was clinging to this hope that God is good.
Something about those words.... God is good.... just lit up my soul.
I know that my identity is to be found in Christ and Christ alone. And my heart and soul longs to constantly live in that place where if everything else in life were stripped away, i'm just as content because Jesus is my everything.
I also know that He is faithful. He's proven faithful many many times in the past. Enough to push me forward and trust that I will stand with arms lifted high... Praise the Lord.
As I was reading tonight (and yes, crying, yet again) these words brought a lot of comfort :
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him....
Psalm 42:11
So although I can't fully pin-point my current funk, I find peace and hope. And I continue to speak the hope-giving words:
Jesus is still the same. And God is good.
Do you have a verse or some godly quote that brings hope to your soul even in the darkest times?
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
The Post You May Not Want To Read
James 3:3-10 says there is life and death in the tongue. A harsh thought to think on.
"So Megan, when are you going to find Mr. Right?"
Hands down, my favorite question to be asked. Not. If I had a dollar for everytime.... i'd buy me a lexus.
It's just that people ask that question as if i'm nothing single. They ask it as if my highest calling is to find Mr. Right.
Now, I know they don't mean it that way and I know that God created us as relational beings and... yada yada. That's not new information. It's just that, if anyone wants a husband just as much as every other girl... hello, it's me. And everytime I get asked that question it takes a little more faith.
Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavently realms. Ephesians 6:12
With each curious person digging into my dating life it's as if a bell dings inside that says - You are worthless alone. Heck, let's highlight the fact that you are, indeed, alone. Everyone else is all happy and junk, two whole stages ahead of you and here you are alone not getting any younger and somehow just not measuring up because you haven't found him. Yeah, yeah, God's timing is perfect and let's keep on trusting, but maybe you just let the good ones get by you. Maybe you're too picky.
Let me pause for a moment to say that - no, not everyday is like this. The days really and truly are fewer and less, but there are moments when they come that it's really hard. Especially when people throw out comments somehow meant to "help".
I learned a long time ago not to take it personal or to get upset with the person trying to encourage or simply have a conversation. And to take each "pity party" as a chance to cling harder to Jesus. My identity is found in Him, not my dating status.
The reality is.... there are times when I have to fight not to view myself as less..... not good enough... not as smart as my friends simply because they have experienced seasons of life that I haven't... not ready and somehow just not mature enough.
I know they are lies, but goodness they can be hard not to believe if i'm not careful.
My least favorite comment to hear is, "You just aren't ready yet or the Lord would have already sent him."
That is a load of bull-honkey. And since I have a lot of experience being single, let me just encourage you not to say it. It is not beneficial. And not true.
Just because a person is single does not make them any less ready or any less spiritually mature.
A single friend and I were talking the other night about learning our weaknesses so that when it's triggered you recognize the red flag and immediately rush in with Truth to counter the negative lie.
Being single is not my weakness, but like every single person there are moments when it's tough.
Janet Folger says in her book What's A Girl To Do (while waiting on Mr. Right) that the battle ground is the mind. It's not just true for single people, it's true for all. I'm convinced that each of our struggles start there, in the mind.
When I think about my close friends and their weaknesses (the ones that I know just how to fix ha) the thing lacking is truth and the thing present is negative lies. It's true for all of us. We just keep on letting the negative thoughts and words go round and round and round. We don't do anything to fight back.
We have step one down - be aware of yourself and your weaknesses.
But somehow we don't move on to step two - when said weakness is triggered speak Truth into it.
This post started out with a verse in James about the tongue having the power of life and death. We often think about the death part and forget about the life part. So maybe my steps are wrong.
Maybe it's:
step one - drench yourself in the Truth, the Life of God's word
step two - be aware of your weakness because the enemy will strike
step three - speak the Truth (outloud) into that place of negativity when he does strike
step four - begin to believe the truth over the lie
step five - victory (and repeat)
I despise "single" books. You know, the ones that try to encourage you that God has something to do in your life and you are blessed to be single and not tied down and so on and so on. I know there is so much truth in it, but there are moments when you just are tired of hearing it.
Then there are other moments when it has just what you need to hear. From Janet's book -
There is a God who intersected time and history to be nailed to a cross to pay your admission to heaven. That's how much He loves you. That's how much He wants to be with you. Regardless of where you are, regardless of what you feel or think. He is for you. And His plan for your life is best. Even when you feel differently. The good news is that our thoughts and feelings don't change the truth: God is for us.
He has not forgotten about me.
He still has plans for me.
He does have my best interest in mind.
And for me.... a whole lot more of faith building. Which, I know i'll be thankful for in the future, because my highest calling is not to find Mr. Right, but to find, know, and share Jesus. All other strivings will leave me empty. The funny thing, finding and falling in love with Mr. Right is ultimately still about Jesus.... and faith.
Trust God.
"So Megan, when are you going to find Mr. Right?"
Hands down, my favorite question to be asked. Not. If I had a dollar for everytime.... i'd buy me a lexus.
It's just that people ask that question as if i'm nothing single. They ask it as if my highest calling is to find Mr. Right.
Now, I know they don't mean it that way and I know that God created us as relational beings and... yada yada. That's not new information. It's just that, if anyone wants a husband just as much as every other girl... hello, it's me. And everytime I get asked that question it takes a little more faith.
Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavently realms. Ephesians 6:12
With each curious person digging into my dating life it's as if a bell dings inside that says - You are worthless alone. Heck, let's highlight the fact that you are, indeed, alone. Everyone else is all happy and junk, two whole stages ahead of you and here you are alone not getting any younger and somehow just not measuring up because you haven't found him. Yeah, yeah, God's timing is perfect and let's keep on trusting, but maybe you just let the good ones get by you. Maybe you're too picky.
Let me pause for a moment to say that - no, not everyday is like this. The days really and truly are fewer and less, but there are moments when they come that it's really hard. Especially when people throw out comments somehow meant to "help".
I learned a long time ago not to take it personal or to get upset with the person trying to encourage or simply have a conversation. And to take each "pity party" as a chance to cling harder to Jesus. My identity is found in Him, not my dating status.
The reality is.... there are times when I have to fight not to view myself as less..... not good enough... not as smart as my friends simply because they have experienced seasons of life that I haven't... not ready and somehow just not mature enough.
I know they are lies, but goodness they can be hard not to believe if i'm not careful.
My least favorite comment to hear is, "You just aren't ready yet or the Lord would have already sent him."
That is a load of bull-honkey. And since I have a lot of experience being single, let me just encourage you not to say it. It is not beneficial. And not true.
Just because a person is single does not make them any less ready or any less spiritually mature.
A single friend and I were talking the other night about learning our weaknesses so that when it's triggered you recognize the red flag and immediately rush in with Truth to counter the negative lie.
Being single is not my weakness, but like every single person there are moments when it's tough.
Janet Folger says in her book What's A Girl To Do (while waiting on Mr. Right) that the battle ground is the mind. It's not just true for single people, it's true for all. I'm convinced that each of our struggles start there, in the mind.
When I think about my close friends and their weaknesses (the ones that I know just how to fix ha) the thing lacking is truth and the thing present is negative lies. It's true for all of us. We just keep on letting the negative thoughts and words go round and round and round. We don't do anything to fight back.
We have step one down - be aware of yourself and your weaknesses.
But somehow we don't move on to step two - when said weakness is triggered speak Truth into it.
This post started out with a verse in James about the tongue having the power of life and death. We often think about the death part and forget about the life part. So maybe my steps are wrong.
Maybe it's:
step one - drench yourself in the Truth, the Life of God's word
step two - be aware of your weakness because the enemy will strike
step three - speak the Truth (outloud) into that place of negativity when he does strike
step four - begin to believe the truth over the lie
step five - victory (and repeat)
I despise "single" books. You know, the ones that try to encourage you that God has something to do in your life and you are blessed to be single and not tied down and so on and so on. I know there is so much truth in it, but there are moments when you just are tired of hearing it.
Then there are other moments when it has just what you need to hear. From Janet's book -
There is a God who intersected time and history to be nailed to a cross to pay your admission to heaven. That's how much He loves you. That's how much He wants to be with you. Regardless of where you are, regardless of what you feel or think. He is for you. And His plan for your life is best. Even when you feel differently. The good news is that our thoughts and feelings don't change the truth: God is for us.
He has not forgotten about me.
He still has plans for me.
He does have my best interest in mind.
And for me.... a whole lot more of faith building. Which, I know i'll be thankful for in the future, because my highest calling is not to find Mr. Right, but to find, know, and share Jesus. All other strivings will leave me empty. The funny thing, finding and falling in love with Mr. Right is ultimately still about Jesus.... and faith.
Trust God.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Sun, Shades and Summer Time
We spent the last two weeks at the lake with friends. Instead of taking a big trip for vacation this year, we decided we would relax and hang out at the lake. It's one of our favorite places to be! No make up. No fixin' your hair. No electronics. No schedules. And just close enough to home that we can make a trip in if need be. Here are a few pictures to give you a preview of our days! (sadly I didn't pull out the camera very often)
Each morning mom and Karen got up to ride their bikes. They started out small, around 3 miles, and by the second week they were doing 10 miles each morning. On the night that this picture was taken 4 of us road 6 miles and the other 3 walked two.
Typically, Casie and I slept in, but occasionally we got up at 6 am to fish with dad!! It was way fun! If I marry a fisherman he better be all kindsa' ready for this chick! :) We even got to see the sunrise on our way out to the fishin' hole! So pretty!
Our days were spent on the water - soaking up the sun, riding the jet skis, enjoying boat rides, tubing, and skiing. I didn't take my camera out on the boat during the day so the only pictures we have of these events are on mom's phone. I'll have to remember to upload some of them later!
Our nights were filled with many beautiful sunsets, wonderful meals, great conversations, card games, and good books. One of our favorite things to do is go for a nice sunset boat ride after we eat dinner. Here are the pictures from our last evening with friends on the lake as we took in the beautiful sunset!
We are so blessed!
Thank you, Lord!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Summer
Goodness!
Things have been pretty busy (in a good, fun way) here lately and I haven't posted very often at all.
The week after school got out we had Vacation Bible School at our church. This is my 3rd year (I believe) to lead music and it's always such a blessing and loads of fun! I, seriously, get excited each year to go to the meetings and get my materials so that I can start planning. We had our program on Thursday night of that week and then ended bible school on Friday.
Then, on Sunday we loaded the vans at 6:15 am to head towards Florida. Our youth choir was on board to Orlando for Sonpower and the sister and I were excited about joining them on their trip. We really had a good time!
I had two girls in my room, both of whom were home-schooled, and it was really fun spending a week with them minus the "your momma" jokes at midnight. Thankfully, I woke up with "new mercies" and a better attitude! :)
I have to say, I do not wish that I can go back to my teen years. Being on this side (as a sponsor) and reliving all that you struggle through at that age made me appreciate that fact that I survived that crazy season! Half-way kidding.
The picking on others started the first night at our hotel and I couldn't do it. Fears of being labeled the 'uncool' sponsor worried me, but I couldn't help but stand up simply because I remember that uncomfortable feeling of being the 'uncool' one back in Junior High. Thankfully, the uneasy-ness of gently reminding them to "be kind" drifted away after that first time.
We got to hear Shaun Groves speak - and might I add, he is a genuine man! I couldn't wait for bible study each night! One of my favorite sermons was when he shared that we don't have to wait til' Thursday to have our guilty alter call where we pour out our hearts and tears because we gave our all and totally messed up the past year and promise to do better this year. Instead, we can rest in knowing that we all have been there and messed up as well, and as followers of Christ we can live in the daily place of realizing that we are going to fall, but that He stands there with open arms extending grace every time. I thought it was the perfect message for youth.
The Micah Watson Band lead worship for us and it was great as well.
The rest of the week was spent in rehearsal preparing for our recording session that would be on Friday. We also had one mission project that involved handing out brochures for a local churches VBS. And Wednesday we got a free day, which was spent at Universal Studioes. It was way fun, minus the creepy contacts guy on stilts at the Mummy ride. I don't do scary eyes.
The girls that I had been spending lots of hours, giggles, inside jokes, and quality time with opened up about boys and relationships approximately an hour away from being home. I took in every second despite the fact that it was short-lived. They were wide-eyed, respsonsive, and open to share their fears, thoughts, desires, etc..
We arrived back home late Saturday evening where we learned that dad killed a copperhead with a 2 x 4 because it was blocking the doorway and he had nothing else to kill it with... and then we attended church and the Night Of Praise the following night.
Many Fun Times!!!
When I layed down in MYYYYY bed Sunday night my body breathed in the sweet fact that I had zero plans for the next few days!!!
So here I sit, trying not to freak out about buying my first car (yes, I finally did it!!! ahhhhh... eek!!!) and working on "school things" from home so that I can better manage my time when the year starts and continuing through-out the school year.
On a side note, I bought some super cute decorative wall stickers for the two bathrooms in my classroom! I'm totally pumped! Just hope they turn out like i'm envisioning!!!
Hope you are enjoying your summer! I may not be back for two and a half weeks!
Love you all!
Things have been pretty busy (in a good, fun way) here lately and I haven't posted very often at all.
The week after school got out we had Vacation Bible School at our church. This is my 3rd year (I believe) to lead music and it's always such a blessing and loads of fun! I, seriously, get excited each year to go to the meetings and get my materials so that I can start planning. We had our program on Thursday night of that week and then ended bible school on Friday.
Then, on Sunday we loaded the vans at 6:15 am to head towards Florida. Our youth choir was on board to Orlando for Sonpower and the sister and I were excited about joining them on their trip. We really had a good time!
I had two girls in my room, both of whom were home-schooled, and it was really fun spending a week with them minus the "your momma" jokes at midnight. Thankfully, I woke up with "new mercies" and a better attitude! :)
I have to say, I do not wish that I can go back to my teen years. Being on this side (as a sponsor) and reliving all that you struggle through at that age made me appreciate that fact that I survived that crazy season! Half-way kidding.
The picking on others started the first night at our hotel and I couldn't do it. Fears of being labeled the 'uncool' sponsor worried me, but I couldn't help but stand up simply because I remember that uncomfortable feeling of being the 'uncool' one back in Junior High. Thankfully, the uneasy-ness of gently reminding them to "be kind" drifted away after that first time.
We got to hear Shaun Groves speak - and might I add, he is a genuine man! I couldn't wait for bible study each night! One of my favorite sermons was when he shared that we don't have to wait til' Thursday to have our guilty alter call where we pour out our hearts and tears because we gave our all and totally messed up the past year and promise to do better this year. Instead, we can rest in knowing that we all have been there and messed up as well, and as followers of Christ we can live in the daily place of realizing that we are going to fall, but that He stands there with open arms extending grace every time. I thought it was the perfect message for youth.
The Micah Watson Band lead worship for us and it was great as well.
The rest of the week was spent in rehearsal preparing for our recording session that would be on Friday. We also had one mission project that involved handing out brochures for a local churches VBS. And Wednesday we got a free day, which was spent at Universal Studioes. It was way fun, minus the creepy contacts guy on stilts at the Mummy ride. I don't do scary eyes.
The girls that I had been spending lots of hours, giggles, inside jokes, and quality time with opened up about boys and relationships approximately an hour away from being home. I took in every second despite the fact that it was short-lived. They were wide-eyed, respsonsive, and open to share their fears, thoughts, desires, etc..
We arrived back home late Saturday evening where we learned that dad killed a copperhead with a 2 x 4 because it was blocking the doorway and he had nothing else to kill it with... and then we attended church and the Night Of Praise the following night.
Many Fun Times!!!
When I layed down in MYYYYY bed Sunday night my body breathed in the sweet fact that I had zero plans for the next few days!!!
So here I sit, trying not to freak out about buying my first car (yes, I finally did it!!! ahhhhh... eek!!!) and working on "school things" from home so that I can better manage my time when the year starts and continuing through-out the school year.
On a side note, I bought some super cute decorative wall stickers for the two bathrooms in my classroom! I'm totally pumped! Just hope they turn out like i'm envisioning!!!
Hope you are enjoying your summer! I may not be back for two and a half weeks!
Love you all!
Friday, June 10, 2011
An Overview of the Past Week
I can't believe it's only been four days since school got out! It seems like so much has happened in a few short days! Tuesday morning Casie walked downstairs and declared that she wanted to go shopping. If you know her at all, you know she is so not a shopper!
Mom fainted.
We got her some dresses. This next one being her favorite.
The next day she woke up with another crazy exclamation. She wanted to go take pictures! Below are a few, okay a lot, of my favorites!
I love you sister! Thanks for allowing me to go shopping with you, to fix your pretty, long, girly hair, to do your make-up, and to take pictures of you! You know it's completely up my alley!
You are the best sister and i'm blessed!
:)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
One Year Ago
The title of my blog refers to a journey, and what a journey it has been!
Exactly a year ago today I was asked to be on the First Grade Team at the school that i'm currently teaching at.
Tomorrow is the last day of my first year.
It's pretty emotional to think back on all that has happened and how far the Lord has brought me. And you guys might be tired of hearing about it, but who's blog is this? :)
If you get anything at all from visiting this place I hope it's that He is good. He being the God of all creation. Even when it doesn't "feel" like it... He. Is. Good.
When you feel like you are worthless... let Him remind you that you are worth it to Him.
When you lack confidence.... let Him be that for you.
When you are afraid.... remember that there is power in His name... and speak it outloud while believing Him.
When you have no idea where you are going... know that He does.... and trust that He has your bet interest in mind.
When the circumstances in your life tempt to rob you of your joy.... know that He is your daily portion and passion.
It has been such a blessing for me personally to be able to come back to the pages of this journal and read all that the Lord has done, not just over the past year, but leading up to this year. If you had told me in the midst of all my insecurities and trials that this is where I would be today.... I don't really know what I would have thought. And I don't just mean where I would be physically - the location, town, and school. I mean spiritually, in my journey with the Lord Jesus Christ.
There were times throughout college when things just really seemed dim.
I'm so glad that I have Him with me where ever I go.
I'm so glad that He took all of those "issues" and used them for His glory, my good.
I'm so glad that He has prospering plans for me and that He believes in me.
I'm so glad that there is more to life than just being a teacher.
It is truly about the journey.
The journey of knowing of Him.
All glory to You, Lord God. Praise Your Holy Name.
Exactly a year ago today I was asked to be on the First Grade Team at the school that i'm currently teaching at.
Tomorrow is the last day of my first year.
It's pretty emotional to think back on all that has happened and how far the Lord has brought me. And you guys might be tired of hearing about it, but who's blog is this? :)
If you get anything at all from visiting this place I hope it's that He is good. He being the God of all creation. Even when it doesn't "feel" like it... He. Is. Good.
When you feel like you are worthless... let Him remind you that you are worth it to Him.
When you lack confidence.... let Him be that for you.
When you are afraid.... remember that there is power in His name... and speak it outloud while believing Him.
When you have no idea where you are going... know that He does.... and trust that He has your bet interest in mind.
When the circumstances in your life tempt to rob you of your joy.... know that He is your daily portion and passion.
It has been such a blessing for me personally to be able to come back to the pages of this journal and read all that the Lord has done, not just over the past year, but leading up to this year. If you had told me in the midst of all my insecurities and trials that this is where I would be today.... I don't really know what I would have thought. And I don't just mean where I would be physically - the location, town, and school. I mean spiritually, in my journey with the Lord Jesus Christ.
There were times throughout college when things just really seemed dim.
I'm so glad that I have Him with me where ever I go.
I'm so glad that He took all of those "issues" and used them for His glory, my good.
I'm so glad that He has prospering plans for me and that He believes in me.
I'm so glad that there is more to life than just being a teacher.
It is truly about the journey.
The journey of knowing of Him.
All glory to You, Lord God. Praise Your Holy Name.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Stand In Awe
In symphony with all created things
sing the song that we were made to sing
Stand in awe, Stand in awe
In the skies and in the oceans
everything that's living breathing
a symphony to You
There will be no greater song
in the heights above or the earth below
Jesus, all for You
(Symphony - Chris Tomlin)
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