Monday, April 13, 2009

Daybook - OR night book

For today, Monday April 13, 2009
Outside my window... it is 5 minutes away from midnight so it's very dark outside. Not much happening at this hour.
I am thinking... graduation came way too fast. I feel like I just entered college yesterday, but at the same time I feel like high school was FOREVER ago.
I am thankful for... the ability to make good grades. It doesn't take much for me to comprehend things - especially things that are very LOGICAL. Give me a few steps and I can work things out in no time for ya. Getting through college has been a breeze for me - i feel guilty. I've never truly had to work hard for anything in life and it's starting to show... pray pray.
From the learning rooms... as if you didn't know - Graduation is approaching in 19 days. I have 4 more days of class and then finals will be here for the LAST time. As it turns out I just might have to go back to school for an extra science class or two - IF I go the teaching route. I'm really wishing now I had majored in something other than University Studies. This degree for me means that I still have ZERO plans and I HATE that. But i'm learning that is does no good to worry about things - something i should have learned a LONG time ago. So i'm letting it go and deciding what to do next.
From the kitchen... i have no idea. I went to class, came home, and have been working on school and chatting with friends on FB since then. I need to help mom out more - i've been slacking again. I tend to do EVERYthing in seasons - will I ever grow out of this?
So the other day I learned that the definition of determination is the act of arriving at or making a decision. I'm not good with decisions. Which also means i lack determination. I think it really means that i've made a lot of mistakes in life and have lost a lot of faith in myself. I'm afraid to mess up again... so i try to wait on God to tell me what to do - and lots of times I don't get anything so I don't make a decision. I'm thinking maybe i'm suppose to be learning to just DO and TRUST despite whatever I decide.
I am wearing... my sisters Senior 4tet T-shirt. (shhh don't tell her) Some mesh shorts with my hair in a pony tail. Zero make up once again. I washed it off after I got home from class. Graduation is showing up on my face... pimples galore!
I am creating... nada.
I am going... to pray, read, and head to bed after I get off here. And i think i'm just gonna shut this rig down for a few days. Once again i don't feel like it does anything for me. I wait for comments, messages, etc and that just screams acceptance to me. I'm tired of running to other things and letting it fill my time. I seriously need Jesus. To be COMPLETE.
I am reading... Waking the Dead - John Eldridge. Heaven is Real - Don Piper. ESV study bible. Over Spring Break I read Parting the Waters and it was GREAT! Dad always talks about Casie being 5 years old and saying her prayers for Jacob every night before bed. He said he had to turn the lights off because it brought tears to his eyes. I'm thinking leave them lights on. I love when a man cries - it shows that he is indeed a MAN.
I am hoping... to find Jesus. To rest in His arms. To have a real genuine relationship with Him. I started typing a very transparent post the other night, but i'm just not ready to post it yet.
I am hearing... the tv on the XM radio channel. Jeremy Camp is currently singing Here I Am To Worship. And there is a random dog barking in the neighbors yard.
Around the house... everyone is asleep except me. Everyone meaning - mom, dad, and china.
One of my favorite things... why is it so hard for me to answer this question? Seriously, I am realizing how much i need to work on in my life... good gracious! Hang on - this should NOT be this hard. When the Lord softens my heart. There we go. I love when you see someone in a different light. When you feel a different kind of love towards them.... it's beautiful.
A few plans for the rest of the week... school, adult choir, more school, papers, projects, portfolios to finish (or start - I KNOW), visiting MEA at A&M (that might have to be rescheduled), prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer...

1 comment:

casie said...

so i just read this...and its funny bc now im wear the senoir 4tet shirt right as i c ya tomorrow! =]