For Today, Tuesday April 7 2009...
Outside my window... the sun is shining and the wind is blowing slightly, but not as bad as the past few days. The wind has been crazy! I am definetely ready for some warmer weather.
I am thinking... that i'm just tired of thinking. I cannot express to you the amount of confusion going on in my mind right now. I thought I heard the Lord so firmly - i was SO sure it was Him. So i was finally obedient and flat out surrendered after many many months of fighting... now i'm so very confused, tired, hurting, exhausted, etc. It's just not adding up. Emotionally and mentally i'm drained. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of looking like the idiotic bad guy.
I am thankful for... the fun i had last week in rehearsal. I love goofing off and being able to laugh.
From the learning rooms... 3 more weeks of school, which equals 5 more days of class, then finals, then graduation. My cap 'n gown have been ordered and we're working on the dreadful invitations. If it were up to me I wouldn't be participating in the ceremony at all, but mom refuses to let that happen. And considering she made it possible for me to even attend college, it's the least i can do. I have done great on my tests this semester which makes me very happy! Still have zero plans of what I will do afterwards.
From the kitchen... something smells delicious. Mom is making dinner and talking to Casie (based on the conversation I hear taking place) on the phone. I'm sure there is plenty of cleaning that needs to take place.... yeah.
I am wearing... black nike hat, torquoise t-shirt, black jacket, blue jeans, tennis shoes.... and ZERO make up. We had to pack on the make up for the Sacrifice last week. The past 2 days i have yet to completely apply it back on.
I am creating... nada. I did "create" a curtain for my bedroom window. It's pretty interesting! I don't know what happened to the rod that goes above my window and i had ZERO money to buy a new one; or even a curtain to go with it for that matter. I saw it as an opportunity to improvise and get ready for what may lie ahead in the future - slow cash flow. So i took my old shower curtain from my dorm days, tied a ribbon to it, rigged it up, and made it look somewhat curtain like. I bet you have all kinds of pictures filling your mind now! :)
I am going... to the store for my mother in a few minutes. She needs cornmeal.
I am reading... Waking The Dead by John Eldridge or however you spell his last name. So far I'm enjoying it - especially considering my emotions, circumstances, and thoughts right now.
I am hoping... to be healed (mentally and emotionally). I'm thinking that maybe my father was right a few years ago when he said I may never fully get over "this" or that it would take lots of healing time. Can you tell i'm struggling? Gotta love my honest personality.
I am hearing... the dishwasher running in the kitchen and the machines in the laundry room also.
Around the house... Mom is finishing up supper, getting ready to go get a hair cut and run a few other errands. Dad is at work and will be home within the next hour or two. Casie is at school. Brandon moved out almost 3 weeks ago and is now a big boy on his own. And I am about to head to the store for my mother so that i can make the cornbread for supper and it be ready when everyone gets ready to sit down and eat.
Random statement here but I feel like it stinks in this house. Do you ever feel that way about your home? I asked mom what the smell was and she acted like i was crazy. Maybe i'm creating the smell in my mind.... wouldn't surprise me.
One of my favorite things... turning in an assignment. Just knowing that you are DONE and it is out of your hands. And also getting a good grade on it!
A few plans for the rest of the week... Subbing 2nd grade tomorrow, adult choir and then Sacrifice celebration party Wednesday evening, class on Thursday, Friday - Sunday no plans as of now.