Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Honeymoon Is Over


Well, public school started back this week and my body was very angry at the sleep habits that were formed over Christmas break. I'm pretty sure I took about 3 naps this week and one of those was over two hours long. Hopefully i'll be able to get back into a routine of going to sleep around 10 PM so that i'm not a walking zombie trying to control kindergartners.

It was kind of a rough week.

I've finally reached the point to where my job is no longer new. I knew that it would eventually come and I think, secretly, I was dreading when that day would occur. I took the risk of writing a post about a month ago explaining how much I knew this is where God wanted me, the passion He had given me for these kids, and all that He was teaching me while in this position... but there was a part of me all along that wondered if He brought me to this place for the sole reason to set me free from a few things that were burdening me just to turn around and set me in a different direction months later. I knew that that was a possibility when I started pursuing this path, but I knew that He was telling me to walk through the open door in front of me whether or not it lasted for a year or 10 years. And to trust Him with every outcome and every unknown. I've wondered many times if I would really teach for the rest of my life or if it was just a stepping stone He used in my life. It was definitely a turning point in my life and strengthened my faith, but the future is unknown... next year is unknown. Will I teach somewhere? Will I love it? I don't know the answers, but thankfully, I trust that He'll lead and take care of me.

I guess I just want to love what I'm doing. The thought of being one of those people who complains about their job everyday and dreads getting up in the mornings is so unappealing to me. The idea bothers my soul. That's just part of who I am.

So if you will pray for my attitude, heart, and work ethic the remainder of the year. I'm a little burnt out. Sometimes it gets extremely old doing every one else's work, their way - I can't even do it the way I think it should be done.... it's their class, their lesson plans, their ideas. With my over-analyzing, extremely logical, organized personality sometimes it's hard to carry through with their plans. I suppose He is teaching me something there. :)

I am still so very thankful for my job and I enjoy it. I'm just ready for the next step I guess. But I wait patiently for His timing.

I love You, Jesus. I love You.


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