Can we talk?

.... out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12:34

Yes! I'm still dwelling on week one of this Bible Study. This verse just really really sticks out to me. I've been thinking about it for a few days and observing my life.

What am I putting in? What am I filling myself with?

Whatever you put in will eventually come out.... music, tv, movies, conversations, jokes, pictures, books, etc.

I really try to filter everything that i'm involved with so that i'm not tempted in any way. I don't need any of these things in my life and honestly don't even desire them. I've gotten by just fine without them. So what if my answer to all of these previous questions are no, i'm not watching bad movies/television... No, i don't listen to bad music. No, i'm not very funny so i don't crack dirty jokes. I'm not looking at obscene pictures. What if i'm not doing any of those things? (i'm not saying i'm perfect... please know that.)

If i'm not putting any of these evil things in then shouldn't good things be pouring out of me?

Not neccesarily. Doing nothing is just as bad.

I can filter all of the dirty things out of my life and still have no fruit if i'm not FILLING myself with the alternative.

How much free time do I have? And what am i doing with it?

If i'm ridding myself of all things that will not benefit me then i have SOOOO much free time to do other things. Like pour over His word, dwell on it, study it, FILL myself with it. Love on my family. Get involved in relationships with other people. There are so many things i could be doing with this extra time.

I started thinking about how much time i spend on the computer. Yeah - i don't visit horrible sites or anything like that, but is my computer time really bringing any fruit in my life? I don't think it is. Actually, i know it isn't.

The time i spend on here i could have spent doing my homework so that when my family got home we could spend the rest of the evening together. Or i could get all the household chores done so that the rest of the family has time to relax and visit... or i could spend my babysitting time loving the kids instead of sending them to their rooms to play alone because i have things to do. Or if i'm done with all of these things and still have time i could read His word, really read His word. Even call a friend in need.

I don't think we realize how much time we have. And what you choose to do with that time will effect you and FILL you.

I don't know if this is making any sense... i guess what i'm trying to say is you can be avoiding all of the negative/evil things in life and still not have good (beneficial) things pouring out of your heart. You have to really make an effort to FILL yourself with His things. It's not enough to just rid the bad - you have to reinforce the good in it's place. (And it's not enough to just read a passage in the morning just to say that you've spent time with Him. You must really hide it in your heart.)

If this verse wasn't enough to get my attention day 2 of the following week was there to hit me in the face again. Re-organizing our priorities. What am i putting before Him? Am i spending more time doing something else when i could be reading His word? When i could be hanging out with Him?

The answer to all of these questions are yes. I need to readjust. And i'm trying. I think i need to camp out right here for a while!!!

And i'm sorry that i'm not a writer and can't explain myself well.... hopefully my thoughts are easy enough for you to understand.

Sunday School

Hey Sisters!

I don't know that i've ever had this much on my plate at one time and honestly i'm a little overwhelmed by it. The Sunday school lessons that we usually use are on an online program where you go in, print it off and prepare. I didn't have time to do that this week so i pulled together bits and pieces of the 'Can We Talk' bible study and created a lesson for my Junior High Girls.

I was a little nervous about it because i didn't know how they would respond to it, but it turned out great! One of the girls had tears in her eyes as we poured over these verses.... she even asked if we could do it again next week instead of our normal online program that the youth minister picks.

Talk about lighting up my heart!

Teaching Sunday school is one of my favorite things. I do have issues with relationships - but when it comes to loving these girls there is no question or doubt about it in my heart. I truly love them. I don't feel like i have to be anyone. I don't try to sound smart enough. I don't search for acceptance. None of the things that i'm usually trying SO hard to let go of are an issue when i'm teaching/sharing/learning with them. Deep in my heart i feel like i love them and i want to get the message across to them. And that's who i want to be everywhere i go.

I love the opportunity that i get every Sunday to sit with these girls and simply be REAL. Genuinely me. I've been with this same group for a year and a half now and it's amazing to be able to see growth. It is becoming a place where they are actually sharing prayer requests and opening up.... i can tell the Lord is working and it's amazing because it's nothing about me. All i do is pray, prepare, show up, share my heart, be real, and ahhhh... i am overwhelmed by it all. I don't want it to end.

Just wanted to share with you all that the 'Can We Talk' lesson went over great with my girls this morning. They loved it and i'm amazed! Keep on studying! Love you all!

School, Shock, Subbing, Sleep

So i've moved back over to the Music Building this semester. 3 out of my 4 classes are Music classes. I actually have the same teacher back to back, but i really really like his class. He is a very 'hands on' kind of teacher. We have not had a day yet where he doesn't make us do something to incoorpate what we are learning. Why have the other professors on campus not caught on?

The class is Music for Elementary Education. On Tuesday we sat in a circle and saw how you can teach a reading lesson by using music. The professor read the book 'Black Bear, Black Bear' (what do you see?).... he created a beat to it and spoke it in rhythm. We each had instruments and would play them while he read..... then he would randomly blow the whistle and we'd pass the instruments to the right or left and switch with our neighbor.

He then had a box that was called his "box of disorders". We went through each disorder and saw how it could affect what you are trying to teach.... and then we worked through how you handle the situation, how you could improve what your doing, how to help that student learn, etc. It was SOOO interesting to me. I came home and told my mom all about it.

My next class (with the same teacher) is Instrumental Methods. We are learning how to play the guitar, recorder, and orff instruments. Not only do we have to learn how to play these instruments, but we have to be able to teach someone else (particularly a student) how to play them. I was nervous when i signed up for the class.... i mean, playing infront of people? learning infront of people? teaching infront of my peers? DO HUH?

But it's been great. I never thought i would enjoy it this much, but i'm really loving it. And what's great is that i don't know anyone really well in this class... i work better that way. And what's really odd is his whole hands on groupie stuff twists my brain and i catch myself interacting with people. Tricky tricky!

I think i've just been so consumed with the past 3 years that i haven't truly been myself. I hate that people have only seen the doubty insecure anxious worry freak part of me that has flared of because of my circumstances. I want so badly for people to want to be around me, to see the funny me again, the me that really can be fun/cool and even make you laugh. SOOO yeah, i'm enjoying these new faces. These people who have no preconceived ideas or expectations of me.

I went to eat with some college girls Thursday evening also. Aren't you proud of me? I even asked if they wanted to head back to the dorms and play games. My mother was SO shocked. "You asked them to play?" haha!! It was a blast! We even had the girls in the room below us come up and tell us we were being too loud. OOPS!

Friday morning I had the opportunity to SUB. It was a second grade bilingual class. It was only for half a day so i figured i could survive the language barrier. I was told that i would have an interpreter in the classroom with me which made zero sense to me - why can't they sub? what exactly will i be doing? i need a purpose...

Whenever i got there i found out there would not be an interp. which is actually what i wanted. I work better without someone watching me - something to do with inferiority. The job was at my mom's school which i am so thankful for. I think that took a lot of pressure off. I was more calm knowing that my mother was in the same building and literally a panic button away. One little push on that thing and a familair voice answers on the other end.

I woke up at 5:30 to begin my day.... and can i just say, i do not remember the last time i woke up before the sun was even allowed to appear. Probably not since All-Region days back in High School. Anywho, it was a great first day. I know that i can do this, i'm just learning to have courage - which is really hard for me at times.

Friday afternoon after i got done subbing i ate lunch with my mom and sister in the teachers lounge, and then picked the kids up from school at 3. The effects of my early morning were beginning to show. I knew i had to keep myself busy or i would doze off on the couch.

Saturday i slept in. It's so hard to get up when i know that i don't have anywhere to be. I can wake up early - it's not a problem for me. The problem is making myself get out of bed when i know that i am not needed or have nothing to do. But i'm determined to conquer that - it's all about the mind. lol

The secretary at my mom's work is a friend of ours... she sent an email out to all the teachers at their school to tell them i was subbing this semester. Now all of these people are requesting me. TERRIFYING!!! But i'm so thankful. So my calender is getting filled in - and i'll let you know my thoughts as i continue on. I do have more from Friday, but i'll share those later. Those kids need love - it's incredibly sad and heartbreaking.

We bought a new game for Wii this week. Dance Dance Revolution! And we are ROCKIN! We had some friends over to play tonight! The men were having a competition to see who could make the best grade. And i know it'll be hard for you to believe and accept this, but.... dad won. (You should come over and play... name a time - we'll be ready!)

Well, i need to head to bed. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend! Love you!

can ya help?

I'm in a class this semester called 'Congregational Song'. Our assignment for next week (due Monday) is to find 3 biblical examples of Congregational Song. We have to state where it's found, who/what group of people are singing, why/what prompted it, and the result (if there is one).

I have searched the obvious words like praise, song, singing, worship... and i have found some stuff that i think will work. But I would like to have more passages/examples to choose from if any of you people out there reading this can think of some examples and care to share.

umm... i'm a visual learner - i can't do the whole 'let me tell you something and you write it down as fast as you can' thing.... and i kind of dozed off during his description/example. So from what i can recall his definition of Congregational Song was something like this - anything sung by a group of people who are together to worship God, not performing for other people, but as a vehicle for their worship.

I don't know what constitutes a 'group'. And i don't even know if constitutes is the right word, but it sounds really smart so i'm using it. I mean, Paul and Silas sang hymns at midnight when they were in prison - so does 2 people equal a group?

Anywho, if you have any examples that you can think of or come across within the next 5 days i would really appreciate them! Have a great week!

Simple Daybook

***I do not have the button for this Daybook entry. I'm babysitting and i just don't feel right saving it to their computer.... hope that's not breaking the rules.

For Today... Monday, January 19, 2009

Outside my window... the sun is shining and the wind is blowing. The thought of being outside makes me really cold. I've been freezing all day.

I am thinking... that i really wanted to curl up with Katie when i put her down for her nap. I might need a new pillow - i haven't been sleeping well.

I am thankful for... the many women who ask me to keep their kids. They constantly keep me busy.

From the learning rooms... i don't usually do this one, but i figured i would since Cam and I read his AR books a little while ago. He did very well!! He is actually reading this as I type!!!

From the kitchen... LH always keeps her kitchen spotless - as in the countertops never seem cluttered and the sink is never full of dishes. Atleast whenever i keep her kids it isn't. Maybe it's different on other days, but every time i've been here i've never seen her kitchen messy. We had lunch about 2 1/2 hours ago - snack time in about an hour.

I am wearing... black cami, grey DNOW t-shirt, grey thin jacket, black comfy workout capris, tennis shoes, ponytail through my black Nike hat. Grey and Black seems to be the theme for todays outfit!

I am creating... ummm, i never know what to put here. I got all of my school supplies yesterday - yes, color coordinated and everything!! Each binder has a matching spiral and folder - easy to spot in my often messy car!

I am going... to let Cam get on here after i get done with this entry. He really wants to check on Shamu (his webkinz pet). And i promised Katie i would paint her Tee-nails (aka fingernails) as soon as she got up from nap time. Wonder if she'll forget?

I am reading... Can We Talk - Priscilla, finished Deuteronomy and now onto Isaiah, Becoming - DNOW material, and i am thinking about starting a new Francine Rivers book.

I am hoping... well, Cam says 'to have a PS3' .... But i'm not really itchin' for one of those personally. Since i shared my convo last night i guess i'll say i'm hoping to love myself and take care of myself more. No more comparing myself to others, no more trying to impress certain people - just be happy with me!

I am hearing... the fridge humming, my fingers clicking on this keyboard, and Cam whistling next to me as he kicks his feet against my chair. That dude is ready to get on here - i better go!

Around the house... Katie is napping and i think you have heard enough about me and C-man! So far today we have - enjoyed breakfast, played 'hide the Hot Wheels throughout the house', watched a movie, took a quick trip up to ETBU to buy my books, a nice lunch with LH, naptime for K, reading with Cam, Nintendo, and now we are blogging together!

A few plans for the rest of the week... class tonight, DNOW preparation, Homework, picking the kids up from school (because no teachers need a SUB this week), writing my BIO to send in the mail, Choir on Wed., Sunday School and MP3, and i really really need to get my eyebrows done.

Here is picture thought I am sharing... no picture today!! sorry! Go read other Daybooks instead.

Conversations

***My font is doing some crazy crazy stuff... i think after a gazillion tries i've got most of it fixed. There are still sections that have wierd spacing, but if you can endure then i'd like to share with you my thoughts from this week of studying God's word.

I'm doing the "Can We Talk" (Conversations with God) bible study by Priscilla Shirer along with some other friends from different places. I'm loving the idea of being able to do it in my own home, but knowing that there are others who are participating as well. In some wierd way i feel like we're together even though we do it at different times, different paces, and different homes.

This first week the focus has been on the tongue - and the power of our words. I struggle really bad with needing complete honesty with people, but as i am learning sometimes even if it is the truth it still may not be beneficial for someone to hear. It's been challening... but i would like to share some of the conversations i have had with God through this first week of study.

James 3:8-11 No one can tame the tongue... With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethen, these things ought not be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?

The golden part is what stuck out the most to me. These men (parents, siblings, husbands, children, teachers, friends) that we are speaking to or about are made in the image/likeness of God. I felt so convincted.

The verse from Matthew 25:40 which says - And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' kept ringing loud in my head.

I don't think He means just physical actions that we do towards people - our thoughts and words would fall under this also. We are each made in the image of God. Now just exactly what does that mean or entail? We'll never know on this side of heaven. But we do know that we are each, male and female, created in the image of God. And when i have a judgemental thought or word towards anyone, i've done it towards the Lord. I've done it towards His creation - the work of His hands.

For the rest of the week i was able to catch myself each time i wanted to instantly react with something. It was like everyone around me became beautiful because i knew the Lord created them specifically and uniquely. He took time on each of us and to dog someone because of who they are or the way they look is just straight up ignorant.

It's so fascinating to think about! May we never speak of the Lord's creation half hazardly. Let Him overwhelm you with the fact that He created you with such detail.

This next 'conversation' may be a little bit of a stretch.... but i'm going to be brave and share it anyways. If you don't agree that's totally fine - and i welcome that.

The specific focus for this day was the power of your words with your family - children and spouse.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

I'm neither a husband or a wife... Honestly, atfirst i was like really? How does this apply to me? But i know that He is powerful enough to speak through whatever He wants... even a verse about husbands and wives. So i stuck around and followed through.

On this verse (even though i'm not a man, nor a husband) the phrase 'loving someone as himself' stuck out to me. The point here is that you should cherish someone so much that they are a part of you and you would take care of them like you take care of yourself. In order to love someone that way or even hold them that close you must have a positive healthy view of yourself.

Maybe i have a deeper problem with this than i really thought....

Maybe i need to accept who i am, love the way God created me, be okay with every little thing about myself (even the ugly things that i don't like)....

I didn't think i had an issue, but maybe i really do. My dad told me 2 years ago that i will never be able to love someone like i need to unless i love myself first. When i look at the relationships i've been in all i see is dependancy. It's like i'm trying to get my acceptance and assurance from them, and as we know... no human can give you enough of that. You will continually end up wanting more from them and expecting something from them that they are not able to give you.

You are beautiful - exactly who you are! He spent time on you! He gave you that frizzy hair, those crooked teeth, the half-pointed/half-rounded nose, messed up toes, that gene for obesity or addiction, those emotions that you wear on your shoulders.... He did not mess up on you. He created you uniquely with so much detail! And He did it in His likeness!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when i was made in the secret place. When i was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! Psalm 139:13-15,17

Praise Him! You are fearfully and wonderfully made... the work of His hands... and in the likeness of God himself.

conversations my sisters have had...
Cari
Karen

Surprise

Today was Jordan and Casie's 2 year anniversary!

Jordan goes to school in Lubbock - it's not possible to make a quick trip home. These kinds of things have to be well thought out and planned.



He called Casie today to tell her "Happy Anniversary" and was acting all weird (i believe those were the words she used). She came downstairs with this weird look saying, "soooo i think Jordan is here...." Then she told me all the crazy things he was saying on the phone.


He told her to pick a restaurant that she wanted to eat at, but the same restaurant had to be in Lubbock. His thinking was 'since they couldn't be together on their anniversary they could go eat at the same place and it would be like they were together on a date'. So she pretended to follow along with his whacky plan and picked El Chicos. He told her they would go at the same time and just talk on the phone. So then he asked her to be ready at 5:30.

Then.... you guessed it.... he came over here with roses - 2 for the number of years they've been together and the 3rd for hope for the future!

They're so cute!!!! (He surprised his mom too - she had no idea!)

And i appearently never got out of my pajamas today.