Phil. 2:14

Do all things...

... without complaining.

All things? You mean everything?

So like never complain?

Deep breath.

Totally not sure i'm capable of that.

This verse has been on my mind for the past month. As I start my first real job there are also a lot of things that are on my heart. In a recent post I shared how I want to love what i'm doing. (Never dread coming to work in the morning. Not letting every word that comes out of my mouth be a negative one. etc.) When I think about work I don't think about the pay check that I get at the end of the month... honestly. My first thought is that I want to be passionate about what I do and I want to do it to the best of my ability. This is where God wants me and what He has called me to do so in a sense it's my life. I want to love it.... deep within my soul.

When you start working you start to build more relationships (especially in the education field). Some of those may be extremely positive and beneficial to you, while others have the possibility of stunting your growth if you let them.

Typically, I don't get mad; It takes a lot to make me angry. We even had an ice-breaker in one of our meetings where we had to make an acrostic for another employees name and my boss wrote down Never Gets Angry for the /n/ in my name. I don't say that boasting, I say it to prove a point (for myself personally)....

I think growing up I had problems making friends and building relationships, and I was definitely insecure in a lot of areas. Unconsciously, I started finding what people wanted to hear in order to have something to talk about. (Can we say acceptance?) All that to say... things really don't bother me, but if I know that you like to listen to negative, juicy things then that's probably going to be my first attempt to connect with you. It'll be something we can talk about instead of standing in awkward silence or me opening up to you. How crazy and stupid does that sound?

I can remember people asking me "how are you?" and my response would be "my stomach hurts" then i'd think - what? my stomach hurts? no it doesn't? why in the world did I just say that?

It took me a while to realize that somewhere along the way this was my way of dealing with my extremely shy personality and insecure qualities. I always had a response ready to give someone without even realizing it. Why couldn't I just be me? Was I afraid it wouldn't be enough? Who knows?

The Lord brought this to my attention my senior year in college and He dealt with me. Thank goodness. But I still see little instances where it comes up at work. I don't want to be that person. Especially since it doesn't reflect how I truly feel down deep. I have to be intentional when it comes to my words and thoughts.... end of story.

So since I really enjoy my job and even like the people I work with - why don't I make a point to reflect on the positive instead of constantly pointing out the negative just because so in so will listen or wants to talk about it. Think about how much happier the environment would be, not to mention, how much more enjoyable that type of person will be. Free. Cheerful. Positive. Pleasurable to be around. Encouraging.

It all starts with my relationship with the Lord. When i'm complete in Him, satisfied with who He made me to be, and when i accept myself then I won't need to find my approval from others. My thoughts will change which will in turn change my conversation.

I guess what i'm trying to say is I want to honor the Lord... not just with my actions, obedience, and how hard I try, but even with my thoughts and words. I don't do it to please men... those are not my intentions at all. My desire is to please Him. Be like Him. Know Him. So i'm going to accept my weakness and allow the Lord to be my strength.

I want to be intentional with my words. I want to do all things without complaining. Choose not to say the negative. Was there really ever the need to voice it at all and did anything beneficial come from it? More than likely no.

Thank You for revealing truth to me. Your Word is alive and active. Keep me aware of who You want me to be. It's all for my good and I want every part of it. I love You.