Totaly Random pictures, projects, and ideas.

Work has started on my bathroom! YAY! I'm excited! To my surprise, mom came home yesterday with painters tape and together we marked off the bathroom! I decided to post some pictures of my towels, fabric, ribbon, everything that got me started in this whole project... There is the famous ribbon! The waller color is pulled from there actually, the nice stripe down the center! I'm not even sure if i'm going to use it in the bathroom, but it was THAT beautiful striped dealy that gave me the mental picture and color scheme. And now here we are moving in the direction of redoing a bathroom - all because of you marvelous ribbon!Now we get to the fabric. This also may not even actually end up in the bathroom. But once again are the same COLORS that i'm loving at this point in my life. I'm very plain, so these patterns are a big step for me.

I just couldn't help myself. All the same color, yet so crazily different. I wanted to bring them together! haha!!! I think this one right here is my favorite!
Oh, but i love me some gingham too! Maybe i'll find a way to incorporate them into the room!
If you think of any creative ideas... be sure to let me know! I'm super excited about this project!


These are some flowers that are out in the front yard. Mom planted them at some point, but i've only noticed them as of recent. I love them! I'm not a photographer, nor do i have a camera that is worthy of taking pictures of flowers and stuff. I love my camera, don't get me wrong... i'm just warning you so that you aren't expecting something grand!

Remember the mysterious toilet shelf thing-a-ma-jig that i told you about? Well here it is...
GAG! I'm really thinking i need to do something about that. I cannot WAIT for an actual REAL bookshelf. No heart cut outs, no toilet seat slot, no girlyness. Plain and simple dark brown bookshelf. MMM! This has got to go!

I also found this at The Nesting Place blog and totally want to make one. You should click that little link there and see what i'm talking about. Is that not the most creative, adorable, cute thing ever?

groupies

I mentioned in an ealier post that i was taking a class called Youth/Single Adult Ministry. Right now we are focusing on the Youth part. I skipped class on Monday because my stomach hurt... bad day to skip.

He revealed to us that we have a group project coming up - next week actually.

Not only that, but we got to choose our topic and our groups.

Since i wasn't there i got the joy of being randomly placed into a group. Once again, don't know any of these people. The project is due next Wednesday a week from today.

After Adult Choir i came home and worked (thought) through some of the next songs we are singing in MP3 (children's choir). I need to start working on more than one song a week. It may seem simple now, but I don't want something to slip up on me and be behind. I felt the need to prepare tonight, so i sat and thumbed through the book. Even penciled in some things.

As i was finishing up with that i remembered this group project... once again, i remind you, is due NEXT Wednesday. I suggested that we all get each others emails, search the web, find information, report it to each other, then divide up how we want to present it. Did i say there are 2 girls and 3 guys in this group? Without the girls nothing would have been planned. I would love to give the other girl credit, but i never even heard her say one word. Think God is giving me opportunities to step up?

anywho moving on... I found a website that was quite helpful and interesting. It had lots of information.

Our topic is Movies/TV Shows. We are to present what our Youth are watching these days. He has given us a 20 minutes time slot. I'm thinking we could pull up some top 10 list and that'll take about 60 seconds and we'd be done... not sufficient for him. Appearently we have to be creative and put more thought into this.

This site was GREAT. It filled my head with so many ideas. Hopefully now we will be able to spread it out to fill more of the 20 minutes that he has given us. And hopefully i will not just take this as a group project/assignment due for school, but i will write it on my mind and heart to remember when i have children. We need to care. We need to be aware of what they are doing, what they are watching. They will model whatever is going in... whatever is being fed to them...

I came home from school today and dad was watching Andy Griffith. This is a daily thing for him. Mom and I sat down and watched it also. I'm thinking that's a pretty good show... :)

This is totally irrelevant, but just felt like bloggin.

Off to bed. Hope you have a fantastic day, night, or whatever follows when you read this. haha!

As for me - Good night!

The Simple Woman

For Today... September 8, 2008

Outside my Window... it is dark, but i have a tree blocking the view so it wouldn't matter anyways.

I am thinking... that i am so not going to be good with these posts. I'm not creative enough and definetly not simple. Is that breaking the rules? I want to be simple, does that count? And i'm sure i messed up on the links somehow.

I am thankful for... how God continually provides even when my heart isn't where it needs to be. I had 2 girls ask for my phone number tonight and invite me to hang out anytime i wanted. Making friends, people! Thank you Lord for opening the door for healthy uplifting friendships.

From the kitchen... i'm not sure what's going on. When i headed out the door to meet some folks for dinner at 5:45 the sink was full of dishes.

I am wearing... grey t-shirt with black tank top over it, blue jeans, black n white flowered-y flip flops (from Goodies $7), and hair down.

I am reading... too many things. I've had to rearrange my list now that school has started and put some of my favorites on hold. School books must come first right now. BLAH!

I am hoping... that i will get a good night sleep tonight. Not the case last night. And to finish my paper. I keep procrastinating because i can't gather my thoughts on this particular topic.

I am creating... a new bathroom - which means many other little projects to go IN there for decorating!

I am hearing... the hum of my computer and the crickets outside my window. I love the sound of crickets at night... so peaceful!

Around the house... it's very quiet. Mom and Dad are watching tv. Brandon is at class.

One of my favorite things... seeing an old couple still holding hands (despite their age and the many years they've spent together) while walking through walmart, or any place for that matter. I want a love that last like that!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... school Monday-Friday. babysitting/work. adult choir on Wednesday. Hanging out with a friend on Thursday. MP3 (Children's Choir) on Sunday. Studying, Studying, Studying...

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

Last summer we traveled all the way across Texas to a tiny little town, that i can't even remember the name of, for a friends wedding. On our way home we stopped by this place pictured above. I loved how the sun was hidden behind the cross. Perfect Picture Opportunity!

i should be sleeping.

Can't sleep.

I've folded all the blankets and picked up the Media Room. Put a load of Laundry in the dryer and brought a clean load up. All the clothes are now where they belong. That lead to tidying up my bedroom which didn't take long because i had already cleaned most of it Friday. Then i moved to the bathroom. I cleaned everything - now what i mean by cleaning is not Windex the mirros, scrub'n bubble the counters, etc. I mean i picked everything up and it is now neat and organized looking!

Now that all that is done, i'm not sure what to do with myself.

I've already finished my homework for tomorrow. I've made up the motions for next weeks song for MP3 (Children's Choir). What to do now? I'm still not tired.

I charged my camera so that i could take a picture of what my bathroom currently looks like. I want to have a before and after picture when everything is completed.

As i was cleaning my room i had a flash back from growing up.

I use to re-arrange my bedroom every few months. I would try to be creative and do something different each time. Each piece of furniture was moved to a new spot to change things up! I remember mom always told me the 'proper' placement for your bed was on the main wall. Appearently she didn't like the fact that i changed it up every now and then. Guess i was breaking the rules. Despite what she said to me, i continued to re-arrange things every so often. I wanted her approval each time, but always feared that she wasn't going to like it. (i still live this way with everyone i encounter- i need to move on)

I haven't done that in a while. Actually it's been almost two years since my room has been changed.

It felt good to be able to remember something about myself. I've been feeling very fake lately. I want so bad to be me and not copy anyone else (i know i've said this before), but something just isn't at peace within me. I'm really trying to think back on who i was and how i become this person now.

One thing we do know about ME is that something inside of me wants to decorate. Proven fact from the flash back. Now i don't know wether or not i will be succesful at it, but nevertheless, the desire is there!

I am also a person who likes to organize... now pay attention to my words. I didn't say i was organized. I said i like to organize. I guess what i mean by that is i like the process of organizing. I feel productive. I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel good. Like i conquered something maybe? I dunno.

When i moved off to college i had all my hanging clothes organized in sections. All we had to do was take it off the rod for my car and switch it to the closet rod. I also had my plastic container filled with my comfy clothes and undies... organized. Again all i had to do was move it from one place to another - the dresser the dorm provided. The case was the same for everything that i had. The move in process was SO simple. It literally took me hours less than my room mate. In my brain it just made sense - i figured everyone would come this way. But appearently not. I remember her making some comment about all of my things(belongings) being thought through. She soon found out that i wouldn't stay that neat long. I let things get messy for a little while then i can't stand it anymore. It's nights/days like tonight when i'll start searching for things to fix, clean, organize, etc.

I don't know if it was the transition from OBU back home or the timing and situation that i was going through. (mentally and emotionally) But somehow that organization and neatness did not follow me back here. People avoid my bedroom - especially my parents. It always looks like a tornado passed through. If you can find the floor then it's a good day. Usually there are SO many clothes piled everywhere, not necesarily PILED, more like layered or lining the floor. I just walk over them. And amazingly it doesn't bother me one bit. I don't know what happened or what my deal was. I'm sure it's a lot of things mixed together. (moving home unnanounced, which meant spur of the moment packing everything into a car - NO ORGANIZATION, getting over a horrible relationship - which meant dealing with so many mental issues and people trying to influence my brain/thoughts/decisions, making a new friend and spending way too many hours with him - which meant not unloading, organizing, or cleaning my room... etc.) These are all possibilities.

I always talk about my apartment (home) in the future. It's going to be organized (because really that's how i do things). I want everything to have a place and people to know exactly where to find it each time. I want it to be warm and inviting. I want it to be decorated SO cute! And yes, i already have colors picked out. Mom always laughs! She doesn't believe that i'm an organized person - she has obvious reasons to feel that way... Although it still bothers me everytime i hear her say it. I consider myself to be pretty organized. Even if it's messy, it's in an organized way. I am determined to prove her wrong, haha! She will be shocked when she comes to visit! :)

This is all so random... i'm sorry for blabbing on.

Below are pictures from my bathroom right now. I'm about to start painting this week if i can settle down with a paint color. There are two rooms to our bathroom : the toilet/shower room, and the sink/mirror room. The rooms are kind of small so it was hard to get a good picture... bare with me. The wall color in these pics are so not accurate - it's pretty bright lime green. Must be something about my camera and the lighting...

This would be the entrance into the toilet and shower.

Towels anyone?

more of the right side of the bathroom...

And now the left.

o my goodness, i HATE the way this picture looks...Here are the sinks in the other room.

Casie on the right.

And me on the left.

Are you feeling the childish-girly-ness? Because it's definetly there. SOrry about the dirty counters. Please forgive me! :) And when i get finished redecorating i will post the new pictures! Off to find something else to do since i can't seem to get tired tonight.

Full Semester

I have many other things that i could/need to be doing, but i feel like putting those off for a few minutes.

I don't have anything important to post about... so if you want to skip over this one, feel free!

This is probably my busiest semester yet. Along with being busy it seems as though every single one of my classes or activities involves stretching my personality in some way.

For instance, I am in 3 classes that insist on coming together as small groups and discussing what we are learning. Hmm... i need to make friends? Remember me making that comment - well, here we go! THREE CLASSES haha. And it's not just every now and then, it's everyday. "Why don't you turn to those around you and talk through your thoughts on this matter?" I am learning to love it. I am also learning that we are all so so so different in how we handle (interpret) information in our brains.

Also, 3 of my classes have a big group project due at the end of the semester. Once again getting together with people and working through something.

I am taking Psychology of Religion. I had the professor who teaches this course last semester and that was my main reasoning for enrolling. I enjoyed his class because he put his heart into teaching it. To me he does a very good job at communicating. He challenges his students, but not to the point that they are stressed and uncomfortable to come to class...there is a perfect balance and that dude has it.

This class is perfect for where i am in life and the things i am working through. Today we talked about faith and doubt. Is it okay to doubt your faith? The whole class agreed that yes, it is totally okay and get this, actually normal. I came to the realization that it was normal a little over a year ago whenever i asked a friend about some things that were going through my mind. But i am curious as to why you don't hear much about it otherwise? How come i could ask certain people if they have ever questioned if God existed and they would get bugged eyed and assume that i'm insane? Perhaps it's because they are too afraid to go there themselves. Because it's definetly not a comfortable place to be...

We looked a Kohlberg's stages of Moral Development, Fowler's stages of Faith Development, as well as (i believe) Erickson's stages of how our thinking Develops. We tried to compare all three and it was AMAZING to me how much sense it made. O, i loved it! One of those moments where you see the light, grab your pencil, and write out a sermon in a matter of seconds. I will have to save that for another post because it will take much explaining... and i will have to dwell on how to communicate that to you in a way that you understand what i am saying. So yes, it's okay to doubt your faith. It's apart of you becoming you, having your own personal beliefs and relationship with the Lord. Okay okay, i'm moving on.

I made it through my first year of teaching Junior High Girls Sunday School. I have a lady who is helping teach this year and that kind of stresses me out. I feel more confident whenever i'm infront of a group without someone older than me sitting in and listening. I guess i feel like they are older and smarter or wiser... they will listen to me and i will mess up or whatever. So here is another area where i am being stretched. She asked if she could watch me for a month until she got the hang of things. AHHhh! :)

I was asked to help with the Children's Choir this year. After thinking through it for a few weeks i finally decided to give it a try. Appearently my title is choreographer. AHh. That just stresses me out hearing it. I don't like to be in control. I am very organized, i feel like i have great ideas, but i like to keep them to myself or tell someone else and they can pursue it. I don't like to stand up and just state my point and take control. And like i stated earlier i get very intimidated teaching infront of those older than me. All of these things i will be working through and conquering with Children's Choir. That's one of the reasons i felt like i needed to be apart of it. Yes, it will stress me out. Yes, i will probably mess up. Yes, there will be days when i feel like an idiot. Yes, it will STRETCH me... and more than likely it will hurt at times. But growth can only come from being stretched.

I got the materail (music, videos, cd, etc.) for this years christmas musical yesterday. When i was thinking of being the 'one who teaches the moves' (i like that better than choreographer), i asked our music minister if there were videos that came with instructions on moves and he said yes. I found out after I gave my YES for working that there may or may not be choreography that comes with our selected musical. AHHHhh... This means i may have to step it up even more, be even more brave and confident, to the point of creating my own choreography? There is a video from a church who performed this musical a few years back. Should have known that it would be cheesy and that i wouldn't like it.... So here i am, trying to think through all of this.... be confident and create something in my non-creative brain.... very stressful, but growth, people, GROWTH! haha.

I must admit that i sat through my classes flipping through the pages of this book, reading over words and trying to think of movements. Tisk Tisk! What can i say? I was nervous about getting my first one under my belt. I just needed to get it done, haha! I came home and have completed one song - movements and all! I showed my mother and she smiled. I'm thinking i probably need a 2nd opinion from someone who will tell me wether or not they truly like it. Mom could be acting kind so that she will not hurt my feelings. I don't need that.... i need honesty... blunt honesty. Hurt me, so that i can grow.

So those are the big things.

Classes that involve topics that challenge my thinking ( along with my faith) and why i believe certain things. Working in groups and actually engaging in conversation with peers. Teaching Sunday School with a lady older than I. And the biggest of all, learning wether or not i am truly gifted with choreography and teaching a group of kids to learn them.

I definetly feel like God is working on me. There are so many things that i do not know - not out of stupidity, but out of ignorance... i simply do not know any better.

You will never grow unless you try something beyond what you've already mastered.

I'm not sure where i heard this quote. I thought about it while i was sitting in class thinking about everything i am a part of this semester. Okay, i guess that's all... Have a fantastic evening! Love~

I don't even know what to say Lord. Thank you for knowing my heart, my thoughts, my needs even when i don't know them or can't express them. Continue to work on me. I love You.

The Fence

"Why don't you ever pursue anything?"

A friend very bluntly asked me this yesterday. I'm thankful for friends like him who aren't afraid to hurt me. He tells me how it is (straight up) and majority of the time he is right on. I'm pretty good at looking at someone, evaluating their situation, and even giving advice... what i'm not good at is realizing it for myself. I need someone to flat out point it out to me then it's like my eyes are opened and i see it.

I glared (sp?) at him because i figured he was talking about one situation inparticular. I soon realized that this is me entirely. I don't pursue anything. I don't pursue relationships (friends, dating, etc), I don't pursue activities, I don't pursue jobs... the list goes on.

I am thinking back to a post i wrote this summer. I had realized that if things happened to me i was perfectly fine with dealing with them, but if i had to decide (hear from God) or choose on my own i wasn't okay with it. I couldn't do it. Often i would pray, "God i don't care what you're asking me to do.... i will do it with everything i have, but i can't hear you, i can't figure out where you are telling me to go."

Why do i need Him to tell me to go? Why can't i just go?

I think He is probably sitting there going 'Megan, you have wasted SO much time because you are waiting on me to tell you to do something. Just go BE.'

I am such an outcome person.

I talk so much about how i don't know what i like or what i want to do. This summer i realized that no matter what i'm doing i should give it my all; no matter if i sense some strong feeling inside of me that God has called me there or if i'm totally guessing. Where ever i am and whatever i am doing i am called to give my ALL; so whenever it's over i can look back and realize man i hated that or man i loved it, man i'm so gifted there or dude i'm SO not gifted with that. But if i sit here waiting for the morning that i wake up and all of a sudden feel like i LOVE something then i'm more than likely never going to get anywhere. I know that it doesn't happen that way, but nevertheless i continue to live that way.

Why? I DO NOT KNOW.

Many people ask what my plans are when May gets here. I don't really have any. Well i guess somewhat i do, but for the most part i do not have a clue.

I know that i want to move out, because i think i need to grow up. I need to be on my own and learn some things. Part of me even wants to move out of Marshall. (yet there are many things that i fear about all of this)

I got to the point to where i was okay with not knowing what job i would have. I was gaining confidence in so many areas of my life. I knew that i could do whatever He asked me to do, and i would give it my all so that no matter what doubts came i wouldn't be able to blame myself.

I have now gone a step further after this friend asked me this question.

Not only do i need to give my all in every situation to find out wether or not i like it, but i need to pursue things. They are NOT just going to magically fall in my lap.

I guess i just figured that i would all of a sudden discover something i loved and i would get a job in that area. Or someone would offer me a job or mention something and i'd go there. Why am i waiting on everything to come to me? Why don't i for once go out and DO something (on my own, without being told)?

I could list many reasons as to why i'm like this. Some of it just being ignorance; i simply did not know any better. Some being how i was raised. But finding out all those reasons do nothing.

I need to get out there and try things.

Today in one of my classes we were talking about missionaries and common misunderstandings that come with them. Here is one of those:

All missionaries are good with learning/speaking a foreign language.

Our teacher told many stories to prove that it wasn't true, but it was this sentence that grabbed ahold of me.

You will never learn (a language) if you are afraid of making a mistake.

He said the part in parenthesis also, but the italicized part is what i heard for myself.

I can't sit here waiting for everything to fall in my lap. I also can't wait for everyone to come to me offering me opportunities. Who cares if i don't feel a strong call from God - GO FOR IT and see how it turns out. You aren't always going to feel that sense of Him telling you to do something. Sometimes you just have to risk and try things.

It's like i am sitting here on the fence waiting for the wind to blow and knock me off.

Why don't i jump off it... pick a side and go... if i'm wrong, He will bring me back... but if i wait for the wind to blow i might be there for a while.

(i did very good last week walking up to girls and introducing myself. i have stepped it up around the house (all summer) helping clean and do other things without being asked. So i am learning. But still for the most part i don't pursue and that needs to change. I will never learn until i take a chance and risk making a mistake.)

What do i know of Holy?

What Do I Know of Holy - Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times. I tried to hear from Heaven but I talked the whole time. I think I made You too small. I never feared You at all. If You touched my face would I know You? Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out. I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about how You were mighty to save. Those were only empty words on a page. Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be...The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.

What do I know of You who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame? And a God who gave life it's name? What do I know of Holy? Of the One who the angels praise?All creation knows Your name on earth and heaven above. What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?