Sunday, September 7, 2008

i should be sleeping.

Can't sleep.

I've folded all the blankets and picked up the Media Room. Put a load of Laundry in the dryer and brought a clean load up. All the clothes are now where they belong. That lead to tidying up my bedroom which didn't take long because i had already cleaned most of it Friday. Then i moved to the bathroom. I cleaned everything - now what i mean by cleaning is not Windex the mirros, scrub'n bubble the counters, etc. I mean i picked everything up and it is now neat and organized looking!

Now that all that is done, i'm not sure what to do with myself.

I've already finished my homework for tomorrow. I've made up the motions for next weeks song for MP3 (Children's Choir). What to do now? I'm still not tired.

I charged my camera so that i could take a picture of what my bathroom currently looks like. I want to have a before and after picture when everything is completed.

As i was cleaning my room i had a flash back from growing up.

I use to re-arrange my bedroom every few months. I would try to be creative and do something different each time. Each piece of furniture was moved to a new spot to change things up! I remember mom always told me the 'proper' placement for your bed was on the main wall. Appearently she didn't like the fact that i changed it up every now and then. Guess i was breaking the rules. Despite what she said to me, i continued to re-arrange things every so often. I wanted her approval each time, but always feared that she wasn't going to like it. (i still live this way with everyone i encounter- i need to move on)

I haven't done that in a while. Actually it's been almost two years since my room has been changed.

It felt good to be able to remember something about myself. I've been feeling very fake lately. I want so bad to be me and not copy anyone else (i know i've said this before), but something just isn't at peace within me. I'm really trying to think back on who i was and how i become this person now.

One thing we do know about ME is that something inside of me wants to decorate. Proven fact from the flash back. Now i don't know wether or not i will be succesful at it, but nevertheless, the desire is there!

I am also a person who likes to organize... now pay attention to my words. I didn't say i was organized. I said i like to organize. I guess what i mean by that is i like the process of organizing. I feel productive. I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel good. Like i conquered something maybe? I dunno.

When i moved off to college i had all my hanging clothes organized in sections. All we had to do was take it off the rod for my car and switch it to the closet rod. I also had my plastic container filled with my comfy clothes and undies... organized. Again all i had to do was move it from one place to another - the dresser the dorm provided. The case was the same for everything that i had. The move in process was SO simple. It literally took me hours less than my room mate. In my brain it just made sense - i figured everyone would come this way. But appearently not. I remember her making some comment about all of my things(belongings) being thought through. She soon found out that i wouldn't stay that neat long. I let things get messy for a little while then i can't stand it anymore. It's nights/days like tonight when i'll start searching for things to fix, clean, organize, etc.

I don't know if it was the transition from OBU back home or the timing and situation that i was going through. (mentally and emotionally) But somehow that organization and neatness did not follow me back here. People avoid my bedroom - especially my parents. It always looks like a tornado passed through. If you can find the floor then it's a good day. Usually there are SO many clothes piled everywhere, not necesarily PILED, more like layered or lining the floor. I just walk over them. And amazingly it doesn't bother me one bit. I don't know what happened or what my deal was. I'm sure it's a lot of things mixed together. (moving home unnanounced, which meant spur of the moment packing everything into a car - NO ORGANIZATION, getting over a horrible relationship - which meant dealing with so many mental issues and people trying to influence my brain/thoughts/decisions, making a new friend and spending way too many hours with him - which meant not unloading, organizing, or cleaning my room... etc.) These are all possibilities.

I always talk about my apartment (home) in the future. It's going to be organized (because really that's how i do things). I want everything to have a place and people to know exactly where to find it each time. I want it to be warm and inviting. I want it to be decorated SO cute! And yes, i already have colors picked out. Mom always laughs! She doesn't believe that i'm an organized person - she has obvious reasons to feel that way... Although it still bothers me everytime i hear her say it. I consider myself to be pretty organized. Even if it's messy, it's in an organized way. I am determined to prove her wrong, haha! She will be shocked when she comes to visit! :)

This is all so random... i'm sorry for blabbing on.

Below are pictures from my bathroom right now. I'm about to start painting this week if i can settle down with a paint color. There are two rooms to our bathroom : the toilet/shower room, and the sink/mirror room. The rooms are kind of small so it was hard to get a good picture... bare with me. The wall color in these pics are so not accurate - it's pretty bright lime green. Must be something about my camera and the lighting...

This would be the entrance into the toilet and shower.

Towels anyone?
more of the right side of the bathroom...

And now the left.

o my goodness, i HATE the way this picture looks...Here are the sinks in the other room.

Casie on the right.

And me on the left.
Are you feeling the childish-girly-ness? Because it's definetly there. SOrry about the dirty counters. Please forgive me! :) And when i get finished redecorating i will post the new pictures! Off to find something else to do since i can't seem to get tired tonight.

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