I have many other things that i could/need to be doing, but i feel like putting those off for a few minutes.
I don't have anything important to post about... so if you want to skip over this one, feel free!
This is probably my busiest semester yet. Along with being busy it seems as though every single one of my classes or activities involves stretching my personality in some way.
For instance, I am in 3 classes that insist on coming together as small groups and discussing what we are learning. Hmm... i need to make friends? Remember me making that comment - well, here we go! THREE CLASSES haha. And it's not just every now and then, it's everyday. "Why don't you turn to those around you and talk through your thoughts on this matter?" I am learning to love it. I am also learning that we are all so so so different in how we handle (interpret) information in our brains.
Also, 3 of my classes have a big group project due at the end of the semester. Once again getting together with people and working through something.
I am taking Psychology of Religion. I had the professor who teaches this course last semester and that was my main reasoning for enrolling. I enjoyed his class because he put his heart into teaching it. To me he does a very good job at communicating. He challenges his students, but not to the point that they are stressed and uncomfortable to come to class...there is a perfect balance and that dude has it.
This class is perfect for where i am in life and the things i am working through. Today we talked about faith and doubt. Is it okay to doubt your faith? The whole class agreed that yes, it is totally okay and get this, actually normal. I came to the realization that it was normal a little over a year ago whenever i asked a friend about some things that were going through my mind. But i am curious as to why you don't hear much about it otherwise? How come i could ask certain people if they have ever questioned if God existed and they would get bugged eyed and assume that i'm insane? Perhaps it's because they are too afraid to go there themselves. Because it's definetly not a comfortable place to be...
We looked a Kohlberg's stages of Moral Development, Fowler's stages of Faith Development, as well as (i believe) Erickson's stages of how our thinking Develops. We tried to compare all three and it was AMAZING to me how much sense it made. O, i loved it! One of those moments where you see the light, grab your pencil, and write out a sermon in a matter of seconds. I will have to save that for another post because it will take much explaining... and i will have to dwell on how to communicate that to you in a way that you understand what i am saying. So yes, it's okay to doubt your faith. It's apart of you becoming you, having your own personal beliefs and relationship with the Lord. Okay okay, i'm moving on.
I made it through my first year of teaching Junior High Girls Sunday School. I have a lady who is helping teach this year and that kind of stresses me out. I feel more confident whenever i'm infront of a group without someone older than me sitting in and listening. I guess i feel like they are older and smarter or wiser... they will listen to me and i will mess up or whatever. So here is another area where i am being stretched. She asked if she could watch me for a month until she got the hang of things. AHHhh! :)
I was asked to help with the Children's Choir this year. After thinking through it for a few weeks i finally decided to give it a try. Appearently my title is choreographer. AHh. That just stresses me out hearing it. I don't like to be in control. I am very organized, i feel like i have great ideas, but i like to keep them to myself or tell someone else and they can pursue it. I don't like to stand up and just state my point and take control. And like i stated earlier i get very intimidated teaching infront of those older than me. All of these things i will be working through and conquering with Children's Choir. That's one of the reasons i felt like i needed to be apart of it. Yes, it will stress me out. Yes, i will probably mess up. Yes, there will be days when i feel like an idiot. Yes, it will STRETCH me... and more than likely it will hurt at times. But growth can only come from being stretched.
I got the materail (music, videos, cd, etc.) for this years christmas musical yesterday. When i was thinking of being the 'one who teaches the moves' (i like that better than choreographer), i asked our music minister if there were videos that came with instructions on moves and he said yes. I found out after I gave my YES for working that there may or may not be choreography that comes with our selected musical. AHHHhh... This means i may have to step it up even more, be even more brave and confident, to the point of creating my own choreography? There is a video from a church who performed this musical a few years back. Should have known that it would be cheesy and that i wouldn't like it.... So here i am, trying to think through all of this.... be confident and create something in my non-creative brain.... very stressful, but growth, people, GROWTH! haha.
I must admit that i sat through my classes flipping through the pages of this book, reading over words and trying to think of movements. Tisk Tisk! What can i say? I was nervous about getting my first one under my belt. I just needed to get it done, haha! I came home and have completed one song - movements and all! I showed my mother and she smiled. I'm thinking i probably need a 2nd opinion from someone who will tell me wether or not they truly like it. Mom could be acting kind so that she will not hurt my feelings. I don't need that.... i need honesty... blunt honesty. Hurt me, so that i can grow.
So those are the big things.
Classes that involve topics that challenge my thinking ( along with my faith) and why i believe certain things. Working in groups and actually engaging in conversation with peers. Teaching Sunday School with a lady older than I. And the biggest of all, learning wether or not i am truly gifted with choreography and teaching a group of kids to learn them.
I definetly feel like God is working on me. There are so many things that i do not know - not out of stupidity, but out of ignorance... i simply do not know any better.
You will never grow unless you try something beyond what you've already mastered.
I'm not sure where i heard this quote. I thought about it while i was sitting in class thinking about everything i am a part of this semester. Okay, i guess that's all... Have a fantastic evening! Love~
I don't even know what to say Lord. Thank you for knowing my heart, my thoughts, my needs even when i don't know them or can't express them. Continue to work on me. I love You.