Late Into The Night

A few weeks ago I shared this post with you. You know, the post about how Texas is going to cut a-hiney-load of Teachers because of a lack of funds and yada yada. And if you recall I told you that I wasn't worried and very rarely even thought about it.

And that was the truth. then.

Today. not so much.

Turns out, faith isn't really faith if it doesn't require faith.

Lysa Terkeurst said it a little better than me - To truly live a life of faith, we must do things that require faith.

Or in my words - go through things that require faith.

We were sitting around the table outside our camper when a member of our school board walked by and stopped to chat. Of course, this topic came up. It was at that moment that a tiny piece of anxiety/fear crept into my being.

A friend of ours was let go the Friday before Spring Break. Talk about reality hitting very close. I kept thinking man, I just want to let them know that Jesus, is still the same. And that it's allllll going to be okay.

But secretly inside I was thinking - ohhhhh so glad that isn't me. Sure, I cared about them and their well-being, but still I was so hoping it wouldn't happen to me.

The problem was - I hadn't really thought about what it would be like if I was the person losing my job.

Of course, I left the meeting over a month ago and knew that it was a possibility. And I told myself that I would trust the One who holds me. And I would believe that He is the same.

But I hadn't let my mind venture out to what I would do and where I would go if I were the one layed off.

I sat there frantically thinking, man I have such a peace here and a passion... what happens if that is ripped out from under me? Where will I go? What will I do? I can't work at McDonald's.... I need it to be somewhere where I have passion and peace. Do I try out for American idol? No stinkin way. gosh.. what do I do?

And so as I lay in bed last night realizing that none of this anxiety or fear was from God these were some of the thoughts that came to mind....

It's not my job to let my mind venture out to "what if" and create a Plan B for what i'm going to do if I lose my job.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

It's not healthy or even beneficial to create a scenario of what might happen. We come up with these plans in our future that terrify us and we just know are going to hurt us, before they ever even happen. fear.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. Therefore we will not fear.... though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled; though the mountains shake... Be still, and know that He is God; He will be exalted...

So I still have no idea what is going to happen (and ohhhh I don't want to lose my job), but I do know this -
He has plans for me.
plans that involve abundance and hope
and I am not called to worry or be anxious or fear even to the tiniest degree
because He is God and He is bigger than my problems....
He will be exalted.

Lord God, I come to you in the name of Jesus saying thank You for Your Word... not just words that we read on pages and then move on, but Words that speak to us late into the night when our anxiety has finally beaten our physical strength to fight. I want to live a life of faith. I want to be a woman after Your heart who is so full of You that it's completely evident and spills over onto others. So as much as I want to keep this job because it's the first time in my life when i've felt peace and passion to keep doing something and not give up..... I trust that You are up to something bigger and that You do indeed have plans for me. Not just plans that involve making sure that I have a job and money, but plans that bring me closer to You and thus, prosper and live abundantly in Your hope. Because without a situation that requires faith, we would never need to trust in You.... and I.... oh goodness... I neeeeed You. So thank You, even now for reminding me how much I need You. Be exalted Lord.