Do you remember that moment when it made sense to you?
I remember I was standing in the choir loft at church in the middle of Sunday morning worship and it hit me... He is so Holy! He is SO Holy! And I am so dirty. I am so unworthy. My lips don't even deserve to stand up here before Him... I am so unworthy and He, He is SO Holy!
I remember just standing there so aware of who I was. It was like it was brought into light. But I was not only aware of who I was... I was aware of who He was. And that He loved me in-spite of who I was.
I don't ever want to forget that moment. Because although I felt completely unworthy, It felt like worship.
And so it began... this fear of the Lord.
Not a 'i'm completely scared of You so i'm going to do everything you say' fear.
It was more of a 'i'm completely aware and in awe of who You are and what You are capable of in my life' fear.
It was a 'i'm completely aware of how much i need you' fear.
A 'You are good and know best and have my best intentions in mind' fear. And if I choose any other way, whether it be my way or something that someone else leads me to believe, I will be lost and broken and without hope and all things that come from a relationship with you.
In that place, was the beginning of wisdom for me.
And he said to man, "the fear of the Lord -- that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding." Job 28:28
Choosing what was hard even when I didn't understand, because I knew that He knew what He was doing. Choosing courage in Him because anything less is false. Choosing to believe that abundant life and joy were available everyday. Choosing to let go of friendships that I wanted to chase after because I knew that He knew best. Choosing to completely take His discipline because I knew that I needed it - not because He wanted to show me who was boss, but because He could cleanse my sin, He could take it, and He could change me for my good and His glory.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Proverbs 1:7