No Deal

I mentioned in the post below that i was addicted to blogging... well, i wasn't kidding. I have been convicted for quite a while, but it's taken me this long to do something about it.

Let me explain:

It's very easy to be lazy and selfish while babysitting. Especially if it's your 'job'. One night of sitting on the floor playing children's game is challenging enough. It takes an amazing amount of discipline and self-control to stay focused and passionate when it comes to babysitting 9 hours a day. Each day this summer we have taken a break to come to my house (it's only about 4 miles down the road from where i 'sit'). What do we do there? Well they watch tv, play with the dog, who knows what else.... as i sit totally neglecting them checking through my emails, and posting new blogs. I made a commitment halfway through the summer that i wouldn't touch the computer until after 5 o' clock when i was done with work. Not even sure that lasted a day. To this day i am still convicted daily by the amount of attention i give to the computer over these kids. Conviction number one!

While we were on vacation we took our computers. I'm not even totally aware of the point of bringing them along. I don't have a laptop, so it wasn't MY computer... but that didn't stop me from using it. I had to unload my camera every night so i used that as my excuse to get on there. You think He fell for that one? Let me save you the energy - NOPE! I felt convicted the very first night while on vacation, but was having so much fun keeping it updated. It was a time away from home, away from all the ordinary things, away from work - a time where we could actually be together as a family and not worry about anything else. My free time was always spent up in the computer room at our campground... each moment i sat down to type i felt Him knocking on my heart. 'You should be with your family. This should never come before your family and certainly not before Me.' There were so many other things i could have been doing with my time... and fruitful things at that. But what did i choose - selfishness!

The service wasn't availabe in our camper so we had to walk up the hill to the internet room to get a connection... which meant i was even farther seperated from my family. Isolated in a little room with some washers and dryers. One of the last nights that we were there i finally decided to resist the temptation and not get on the computer. I went and sat on the swing and read His word and talked to Him. As i got back to the camper i noticed my sister sitting in the floor of the living room with her computer open... "is it working? you're getting service in here?" "yep!" As soon as i try to get on, the bars immediately went down - Network Connection Unavailable! It was like the Lord shut the plastic case and said, "No Deal." Me, with my selfish, prideful, stubborn self grabbed the computer and started up the hill. I had to go number 2 and we don't always like to do that in the camper. The bathroom was in the same building as the internet room and service was AMAZING in there. Once again, No Deal! I'm pretty sure i laughed as i sat there on the toilet. Okay Lord... Okay, I get it! It's pretty clear since it'll work for everyone else, but not me! You want ALL of me - you want full obedience! Conviction number two!

We have been home from vacation for over a week now and nothing has really changed. Granted i didn't blog every day last week, but still...

Yesterday morning my devotional book was about 'Fasting'. Beth Moore said that we usually relate fasting to food. We stop eating and the hunger and desire for food reminds us to pray. She mentioned that anything we let go or refrain from for the opportunity and sake of experiencing Christ is considered a Fast.

If that's not enough, a friend mentioned the conviction she felt towards blogging and how she was fasting for a few days.

I have decided to take a break... to fast in a sense.... to let the desire for the internet to remind me to call on Him.

So here i am tonight, signing off.... saying my goodbyes until He lets me know it's okay to come back. I know you probably won't miss me, but there are a few people that i keep in touch with through email. I wanted to save time from sending out seperate emails to each person and decided to just let you all know here. I will not touch a computer for a while - so if you send and email and get no reply, you now know why! I am not ignoring you! I'm sure you can find a way to get in touch with me if it's truly important! The phone is still working! haha!

I love you Lord. Forgive me. Help me to recognize every area of my life that needs work. I want you... I asked you to take me deeper, and here we are! Continue Lord. Bring me to You! This time is for You and You only!