excuses

I have two papers due tomorrow. Neither have been started. One of them isn't actually a paper that is due, but instead the outline of the paper. Basically the same thing. You have to do all your research and figure out the order, so it might as well be the paper that is due.

I got home around 4:30/45 - ish and didn't feel like starting it yet. Why? Well because I have Thursday Night Women's Bible Study that starts tonight at 6:30. My brain just doesn't work that way. I am the type of person who can only start something if i have enough time to finish it. Now it only takes me about an hour at the most to write a paper, but you are never 100% positive if you'll get distracted or have a brain fart/writer's block... which would then set things off. I just can't do it people. I have to do this event, then move to the next one. I mean i am a multi-tasker believe me, but yeah, my brain just prefers to handle one thing at a time when it comes to school assignments. I don't like school.

All of that to say i couldn't start my paper, even though i clearly had almost 2 hours to work on it. Instead, i made a grocery list for the next 5 days. Mom and Dad are leaving tomorrow for their 25th Anniversary Trip! I got excited and figured i could use the next few nights to practice cooking dinner and such. (i've been thinking about graduation a lot... it's changing a lot of things for me now) If i mess up, i won't have anyone here to make fun of me. It'll just be me giving myself a hard time, which is probably the worst person and opinion of all. I think the most exciting part for me was making the actual list for the next 5 nights and then moving on to make the grocery list. I am a list person. You should know this about me. I tend to do them too much (especially in classes where teachers lecture and lecture and lecture- perfect time for planning out things, making lists...).

6:25 i get in my car to head to Bible Study ( i must admit, i wasn't very excited about going... as you can see with the time i left my house. I'm too worried about this paper being done. And you see if i had started it and didn't finish i'd be even more worried about it and not concentrating on the bible study/speaker.) Well i pull out my form that i got in the mail with all my information for the Study and was getting my money ready to purchase my book (all while driving) and i see, Thursday Evening at 6 PM. What? I'm 30 minutes late? NOOO!

I believe i felt a tear roll down my cheek.

I am SO hard on myself. I felt so so so stupid. I don't like to feel stupid.... It's the one thing that will make me break down and cry. I'm retarted, i know. Or just a girl. It's that time of month where tears are ready to flow for no appearent reason. I am stressed from school. I have 2 papers due tomorrow.

One thing i do NOT like is walking infront of people. If i'm even 2 minutes late to class i will not go because i hate walking in and feeling like everyone is staring at me. I'll take my absence, thanks!

I decided to keep driving and take a gander at who all decided to go to Bible Study tonight. Remember, it is the FIRST night of the Study.

O my goodness. Definetly not going now...

I had already made up my mind, but you just double made it up for me.

The whole parking lot was FULL and spilling over to the side of the building where the Youth meet.

No Thanks.

I have two papers due.

(Did i say that already?)


I need to have an excuse to make myself feel better.

I'm already 30 minutes late. I have two papers due. My tummy is not in the best place. And yeah... that'll do.

Update* It is a bad idea to blog and then write a paper. My grammar is already horrible enough. When i blog i think outloud. I usually don't use complete sentences.... not good with a college paper. I kept typing short sentences thinking my professor could hear the proper stressing on certain words in my mind. hmm?