"I go to school for 7 hours, then i have a babysitter til' 5, then we eat supper, do homework, take baths and go to sleep. We never get to spend time together. I'm always in school."
This little girl cried to her mother. Claiming that they don't spend enough time together. It surprised me, honestly. I'm not sure why, but it caught me off guard, not to mention broke my heart. It immediately made me think about how blessed homeschool families are. If you think your children don't care - it's not true. Take this little girl for instance.
This family has 2 children - 4 years apart, opposite sex.
I sat there watching the older one play in her bedroom all by herself and thought about my future family. I don't want my children to feel alone. I want a big happy family with lots of laughs. I want us to enjoy being together. I want the siblings to feel like they have someone to play with, connect with, talk to.
four. That's it. four kids.
Sounds like a good number huh? Not too big, but not too small of a family. :) (obviously i have no idea how many children i will really have, but i'm thinking four sounds really good right now. Give or take a little.... I've heard your desires can change as you get older. We'll see.)
I'm not sure if i mentioned this on here, but i am now responsible for picking up 4 kids from school as opposed to just 2 like last year. Their ages range from 2-9. The opportunity kind of rose up out of no where. The mother of this new family mentioned it to me this past summer, but wasn't sure about the pressure of me having all those children. She told me she would try to find someone else.
But then some circumstances and situations happened in that sitters life so the mother felt it best to find a new sitter.
I like to think it was God's soveriegnty. If it's His will it'll come back around in His timing.
I find it slightly humerous that i received this phone call the day after i mentioned wanting 4 children. There may not be a connection at all, but i couldn't help but laugh.
2 boys. 2 girls. and me.
That's not my future family - that's us - the after school gang right now... lol
The boys are a year apart and get along perfectly. Levi has been wanting a friend for a long time, but has been too scared to leave his parents to go spend time at a friends house. When i got asked to combine the families and keep the children, i felt it was just what he needed. Appearently C, the boy in the other family, needed some boy time also. As soon as we walk in the door from school they throw off their backpacks not wanting to miss any second they can squeeze in together.
The girls, well.... i'm not sure how they feel about the whole ordeal. They are 7 years apart, but i see it as an opportunity for each of us to grow. Me - in learning to love them both despite their 7 year age gap. Zo - in being brave enough to branch out to K. She loves little children, but i think is shy to be silly with her... you know? You remember wanting little kids to like you, but not wanting anyone to see you talking or being goofy with them. It'll be a great opportunity to teach her how to handle little kids, and to love! K - well, she just gets a ton of attention because she keeps us laughing. I'm not sure what she can learn from this, but surely there is something there. lol.
I don't have confidence as a babysitter, so this has really been a growing experience for me. It's been especially rough the past 2 weeks because of my mental and emotional state.
Yesterday i woke up ready to fight. I know you may think i'm silly or dramatic, but i don't care. I was determined to put others before me and give give give until i had no more energy. Maybe the busier i was, the less my thoughts would consume me. And eventually conquer them.
K gets out of Day School at 2:30 so we always have 30 minutes to waste. I decided we would make a Walmart run during that time and then head to get the rest of the kids at 3. (Did i mention they're not at the same campus? 4 children - 3 seperate campuses.)
We (K and I) had so much fun shopping together. I had to get a few bathroom items - shampoo, body wash, face wash, toothpaste.... all of which K responded with, "i na have dis ah my home". We sniffed all the shampoos and soaps. She was making me laugh, and it felt so good! Just what i needed. I would squeeze the bottle so that the air would squirt on her face and she would smell the scent of the shampoo. Her little face would squint each time as she waited for it to hit her and then explode with giggles.
Once we had all the other kids we headed home. I decided to post pone Levi's homework since C had to leave early for a doctors appointment. The boys played together for 30 minutes and then off he went. We searched the house and could NOT find a single pencil, so homework was even more put on hold. Since i was turning over a new leaf i figured we would go for a walk.
The kids were all excited at the mention of the idea, so we headed out the door and down the street. We didn't make it very far before they spotted the nearby school playground. I really wanted to walk and not play, but i fought the temptation to put myself first. I died to the desire to be lazy and took off running towards the play ground. "I'm going to beat yall!"
We had so much fun playing together. It was a really good day! So busy and productive! Filled with so much love and laughter.
Later that evening i met with some girlfriends at the library to have a 'homework' night. We weren't studying for the same classes, but that wasn't the point to begin with. I need to invest time, love, and effort into relationships with some other girls. Even though we were busy doing homework, it was a step in a new direction. Totally out of my comfort zone. Gosh - it's really hitting me how insecure i am. Or shy. Or something.
I made a date to spend Thursday evening sleeping on their couch in their dorm apartment. We have bible study that evening and then we'll have girls night for the rest of the evening. I already miss home and my bed and i haven't even left yet. I'm pathetic.
AHHH. It stresses me out. But the only way i will ever grow and get over my fears is to face them head on. I'm trying to make changes. I just feel very vulnerable.
My brother had an intramural soccer game last night. I attended that also.
Tonight Stacy and I are going to the library to do some research for one of my classes (because i've never done it and don't know where to start or how to use anything). So sweet of her to take time to help me. Afterwards we will head over to the soccer fields to endure yet another wonderful soccer game.
There isn't anything significant to this post.... no point really. Just wasting time until i have to be at the library. 2 papers. 2 tests. 1 research project. It's a busy stressful week, but i'm keeping my head high.
So, how has your week been? Have you ever have a difficult situation in your life that you've had to learn to conquer and fight through?
Look at this fortune that came out of my cookie from the chinese restaruant. (no i don't believe in psychics. But i do believe in a God that can speak in any way He chooses. And you know it's always interesting to see what your slip of paper will say... admit it!)
Those who do nothing but wait for their ship to sail has already missed the boat.
And.... This was at the bottom of an email i received last week. I'm taking the hint that He's obviously trying to send me.
God gives every bird its food, but He doesn't throw it into their nest.
We must get out. We must go. Out of our comfort zones... to the places that bring us the most fear and require all our energy. He will direct our steps and bless our efforts.
I love Yall! Have a great week!
Father i pray over whoever reads this blog. I know that i'm nothing special and definetly not very wise, but i want this to be nothing more than a place to share my heart. Forgive me and correct me when it becomes more than that. I give it to you. Be my strength and desire as i step out and do new things. Thank you for your words that you spoke to me in class today. I need you, Lord, more than i will ever know. Take my heart - Hide it in Yours. I love You.