Sunday, November 16, 2008


Don't feel like sleeping tonight. It's simply one of those nights. You know, where you want to clean everything in sight, re-arrange the furniture in your bedroom, clean out all the dressers and drawers....

I guess i have a lot on my mind. Since i can't clean or sort through my life and problems maybe i'll feel better if i clean everything that i can physically see and handle.

I used to be able to just go to sleep whenever i was emotional or stressed out. It was like my RUN TO or ESCAPE or whatever you call it. But i can't do that anymore. I lay there tossing and turning, dreaming about the things i'm trying to conquer and get over. I wake up and immediately remember whatever it is that i'm going through.

That heavy feeling like something is weighing you down is becoming all too familair for me. A constant reminder that something isn't right in my life. That there are still countless issues that need to be dealt with. I feel horrible because i've gotten to the point to where i'm tired of it. I'm just tired.

I don't even know why i'm blogging. I have nothing to say. Just avoiding laying in my bed....

I suppose it's evident that He is working in my life. It's just hard to remember that in the midst of the chaos. (Chaos that seems to last for years and years.) I do have more to say, but i keep typing and then deleting.... i guess i'm just not ready to unload it all yet.

Good night, Lord. I'm too tired to even pray... i've heard that's when you need to pray the most. Please fix my mess of a life that i've made. It is definetly too much for me to handle, too big for me to fix. You are the only One. And i'm desperate for You.

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