Tuesday, November 11, 2008

More Transparency

The Lord is really working on my heart lately. To be honest it hurts, but i want every part of it. I don't want to live my life halfway or just doing enough to get by. I've lived enough of my life that way, it's time to change.

The past few days i've been so aware of my sin. How dangerous it is. How much it hurts others and yourself. How much confusion it brings to your life. How it consumes your thoughts.

I owe so many people apologies, but am so confused about the whole situation that i don't even know where to begin or what to say. I'm scared to say anything at all for fear of making things worse.

I am thankful for this brokenness because it's softening my heart. It's changed the way i view my family and the time spent with them. And it's also made me so aware of my need of Him.

I've been praying to get through things - it's bringing up old wounds and confusion, but i have to keep going.... i have to put things behind me... find myself.... and move forward. I have to be mature and quit depending on others(because that just in turn ends up hurting them).

Thank you Lord for working on me. Please continue to pull me through this. Help me to work through all of my thoughts so that i can set things right with people. I know it's probably going to hurt, but i want a heart that is genuine and honest. Mold me, Lord. I want a heart that loves - really really loves. I pray for my future family.... Lord i want to be the best wife and mother... please prepare me. Take my heart - it is yours - Please prevail, have Your way in my life! I love You.