Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Distractions. Addictions.

We spent the evening at church having an extra rehearsal for the adult choir christmas concert. Now we are back home and i've spent too much time on this computer. It's so sad.

I really admire creativity. Someone who truly has a gift at thinking up such amazing ideas and then on top of that being able to go through with them. Like sometimes i think i have this great thing in my mind, but then realize that i wouldn't have a clue where to start or how to pull that out of my brain enough to make it real.

I wish i were creative.

For instance, with this boring blog here that i have.... i want a new look. Actually i've wanted one for a while now, but get so tired of flipping through page after page after page. So i end up settling with something that pleases me enough to look at.

I have spent hours on the scrapblog website looking at others scrap pages, searching through backgrounds, ideas... and then even trying to create my own. It's too much for me. Too many selections to choose from. I need them all to fit on one page so that i can choose the one i like the best. I'm such a detailed person that i can't pull things together and see the big picture.

So for now my page is still being worked on - and who knows if i'll ever know how to transfer it onto the actual blog here and make it work.... oh, and umm, be brave enough for you to see it also... yeah, that's scary.

Who knows how long i have been sitting here at this computer... doing absolutely nothing fruitful... why?

Why are computers so addicting? I've been limiting my time on here because i get so convicted. It's so tempting everytime i get a break or even just glimpse the computer out of the corner of my eye. If only i were that addicted to my time spent with Him. It's terrible. I know that it's entirely possible.... and i want that. But in our humaness we just don't understand. We get distracted so easily.

The bible study that i've been doing this Fall has really been a blessing. Angela Thomas, i'd never heard of her until this study, but i really really really like her. So real, genuine, down to earth, honest, and passionate about what she does. Man! Each week i am amazed at the Lord's wisdom and love pouring out of her. I completed my last week of homework this morning and honestly, i'm sad it's over.

She ended the study with an analogy for us. An analogy that would hit home because we've all been there. Each time you go on vacation or visit some new place you will often go to a shop... to buy some kind of souvineir with some kind of inscription or picture or something that reminds you of where you've been all week long. And usually it's some old cheap thing that you never even pay attention to. You'll be cleaning and run across it and then all of these memories from the trip come flooding into your mind. And for a moment you are back in that place, or wishing that you could go back there, reliving all that happened. She relates this to our relationship with Christ. So often we settle for the souvineir (in this case a bible study). We are enjoying the vacation while we are there in the moment, but then we get back into our busy schedules and regular routine of life and about a week or two later the memory fades and it's long gone.... until one day we see that book sitting on the shelf and it reminds us of all the hours we spent studying and tasting His goodness. If only we could move there, just literally camp and live there for the rest of our lives instead of letting it be a vacation that we go to every now and then to get away from our everyday schedules.

Sometimes i wish that just for a moment He would let me see with His eyes the life/relationship that I could have with Him... i know that if i could even get the tiniest little taste i would have a hunger for Him and His righteousness. I would be craving it all day long and not be satisfied by anything else. Just a little sip of His goodness and love that would leave me thirsty for a drink of His living water again.

I get so lost in my sin and confusion that i can't even imagine or see past it all. It's like i'm drowning trying to figure out where i went wrong and how in the world to get back on the right road again. My eyes have been blinded by all of this darkness that i have let slowly creep into my life. Darkness in the form of selfishness, pride, attention, fear, and doubt.

While i'm sitting there in the dark totally scared i realize how much i need Him. How there is no hope without Him. How i can't do anything on my own.

Oh, a taste... a little sip.... that leaves you with a hunger and thirst for righteousness.

Make it so for us, Lord. Help us even in our humaness to be able to grasp the life that we can have with You. Take us there. Let's start packing and storing up treasures right now to make sure that we are ready for the vacation that will last an eternity. I want to be filled with your love, patience, kindness, gentleness, selflessness and servant attitude that i can't even be zipped up but instead am overflowing.... I want to think on those things. To seek first Your kingdom and the things of You. To experience as much of You as i can here on this earth. Thank you, Lord, for Angela. Bless her life and multiply the time she spent pouring over Your word to find exactly what You wanted each of us to hear. You amaze me!

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