Saturday, April 19, 2008

remembering... can't sleep.

today i slept in.... got up and did some chores through out the day. Talked to Stacy about life, graduating, moving on, things that seem so hard to think through at this age. You have fear and confusion, relationships or whatever that kind of messes up your mind and how you decide where to go and what to do at this point in life. GRADUATION.... man.

It's really hit me lately. I'm really growing up, well as far as TIME goes i'm suppose to be growing up, but for me, i still have a LONG way to go. And lately i've definetly realized it. it's very scary, but i can't let that get to me.. at some point i have to trust in God and follow His guidance, no matter how mature or where i seem to be in life.... Today is the day to start.

I hope every one is having a good weekend! It has really been a reflection weekend for me. You go about your week, your days and you get bogged down, you feel busy, overwhelmed or ALL of the Above.... haha You feel like you're praying and trying to know God more and follow His guidance, but yet you can't see or hear His guidance. It's hard, frustrating, and discouraging even at times, but then at some point it all just hits you. Peace over flows you and for a moment, however long it last, you can think about it... and see where you've come from and how much you've grown... even if it is the tiniest steps, they seem so big in that moment. that's how this weekend has been for me. Thank you Father.

Papa Hank passed away today. James and I visited him over Christmas and it's weird how much it all hit my heart. i dont know why, but it really got to me. The suffering and pain is all over for him now and he's definetly in a better place. Keep the family in your prayers.

I tried going to sleep, but i just layed there for a long time tossing and turning.... seems as though i have a ton on my mind. My prayer life is really beginning to change lately. I have been praying for God to help me become genuine in how i live my life and have a relationship with Him. I can definetly see how He is molding me, just by evaluating my prayer life. Sometimes i feel like i pray too much, but i guess i'll learn that too.... when to pray, when to Be Still and Know that He is God and let Him speak.

Father thank you for family, thank you for those we look up to and show us how to live for you. Be with everyone who is affected by Papa Hank's death. Help Iona as she deals with this, be her comfort and her strength. Keep her near you and may she feel your presence in her life right now. Help Diane and Iona both as they deal with this transition and figure out what to do next. Thank you for Your timing and how perfect it is even though we don't comprehend it. We need you Father, we are so in need of you in our lives. Help us to truly live for you and do whatever it takes to know You more. I'm so desperate to know You and to recognize your voice over anything else in my life. Carry me through my last year of school, show me who i am and help me to deal with whatever issues or things in my life that need to be dealt with. Show me how to have relationships with others, the right way! Help me to truly delight myself in You, and to have the same desires that you have for my life. Help me to follow your plan for my life.... I need you Father! I love You!

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