Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Presents, Determination

I had big plans to get up early (around 9:30) this morning and get tons of things done. I even made a To Do List last night before i went to bed. There were many places i needed to go around town. I had them planned out perfectly so that i could use the least amount of gas and be wise with my time.

Let's just say none of that happened.

I usually get sick around the same exact time each Fall and Spring. The whole lose your voice cold deal that last for weeks and sometimes even months. I was just thinking that i made it through this whole semester without getting sick one time. How odd!

But i thought too soon.... i don't feel good today. I can feel a sore throat coming on and my body is very weak. Maybe i can catch it before it gets too bad.

So i layed in bed til' after 2 AM trying to go to sleep. I got up to clear my throat because i felt like so much saliva was building up in my mouth. And when my alarm went off at 9:30.... you guessed it - i pushed snooze. I didn't get out of bed until one. I was SO tired. I hate sleeping that late - i feel lazy, depressed, immature, and so many other things. That's why i was purposefully trying NOT to do it. I have even been sleeping with my door open for about a week or two now so that i can hear my parents moving around at 7:30-8 in the morning. I am determined to do whatever it takes to bring changes in my life.

Since i slept in... All of my plans got pushed back and i could no longer be productive with my gas and time. Today was my last day to pick up the kids from school so i wanted to give them their Christmas presents. I rushed to Walmart to finish the last little details and get them wrapped so they could open them around 3:30. I felt terrible - it seems so unthoughtful to have to rush something - i just wanted them to feel special and it to go perfectly....

They ended up loving their gifts - i think. And really i had fun planning what to get and picking it out... i just saw it all unfolding differently (but i guess that's life).

The gift they got me was a cross necklace. I abosutely love it! I've been wearing it ever since i got it. I wish i had a picture to show you, but ......

Today i was in the shower and i reached up to grab my hair and realized i still had the necklace on. So trying to be wise i decided i should take it off. I didn't want it to get wet. I took it off very carefully and layed it in the basket on top of my dirty clothes next to the tub. Whenever i got out of the shower water had somehow escaped through the shower curtain and was running all over the floor. So i reached and grabbed the hand towel out of the bottom of the basket and started soaking up the water. After that i grabbed my towel out of the basket, started drying off, and threw my dirty clothes in the hamper. Then proceeded to get ready for the day. Casie took a shower about an hour after me and then we headed out the door to run errands. When i got home from work at 5 i realized that i never picked up my necklace from the basket..... i was in such a hurry that i totally forgot. It's no where to be seen people. I have searched EVERY WHERE - and now images of the beautiful necklace going down the drain are filling my mind. I don't know what else would have happened to it. I'm so mad at myself.

I keep saying "Lord, you know i really like that necklace and they spent money to buy it for me... i feel terrible. I can't find it... what exactly am i suppose to be learning from this? :) "

There may be absolutely nothing to learn - i'm just being silly. You see i'm really hard on myself - i get upset at the things i do (no matter how small). I don't know what my deal is. I just want to be a good person and be the best at what i do. I'm tired of feeling ignorant and immature.

Just know this - i am determined to break some old habits that i have.... and this little cold that is coming on and incident with losing my necklace today - it will NOT get me down. I can blame myself, forgive myself, be okay with it and then move on. So i'm off to make my To Do list for tomorrow...

As Natalie Grant would say, "I will not be moved!"

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