Thursday, January 15, 2009

Reality

This post is more for myself than anyone else, but I want to share it anyways.

This picture was taken on Choir Tour in the Spring of 2008. These were my wonderful roomates - (from left to right) Me, Jessica, Glory, and Rachel.

When I arrived at school this morning there was this black cloud over the music building. I soon found out that a fellow student had been killed earlier that morning in a head on collision. Jessica was on her way to student teach in Hallsville when the accident took place.

She was one of the first people i met whenever i transfered to ETBU. My aural skills class had a total of 3 people - Jessica, Me, and a guy. We had many other classes together that semester as well as choir for a year and a half. We sat together on the bus and roomed together on choir tour.

I guess i've never really experienced death. I mean other than my great grandparents, and i knew their time was coming. It's just weird to think about. (I know i don't have real deep relationships with anyone - i've made it clear that i don't have very many friends - but some of the only people i know at this school are the music students because i spent my first semester in that building - and went on tours with these people.)

So many of these people were walking around with tears streaming down their face trying to find some way to understand all of this.
Why Her?
There are so many evil wicked people in the world...
Why does God take the good ones?
She knew what God wanted her to do with her life...
Why would He take her when others aren't even passionate yet do the same job she does?

I stood there listening to all these people trying to make sense of it all. And i kept my mouth shut. Nothing i say will change what they are feeling. Sometimes it's best to just sit back and simply be there.

I went and sat in my car with the music playing and started thinking....
We are so human. We try to make sense of something that we physically can't make sense of. All we see is death, pain, loss. Jessica is not sad, nor does she care about what has happened. I mean our whole lives we wonder what Heaven and Jesus will be like - and she's there. She doesn't have to wonder anymore. It's so beautiful to think about. I guarantee you if she came back to campus she'd be COMPLETELY different... telling us "guys you have it allllll wrong - none of this matters". I wonder what she would say to us. What she could tell us about Jesus...

I know that this moment today was for me... for reality to sink in.... for me to re-evaluate what is important.... to think about why we are here on earth.... to see the body of Christ come together and wrap their arms around a group of students who are in so much pain... just trying to find some way to cope with all of this....

That's beautiful brokenness to me.

Lord, i love You and i thank You for who You are. We are so human. We have no idea what is going on, what you have in store, how long we will be here, what You are doing, how You are using this situation for Your glory. There is so much that we have no clue about.... But You are God and You are soveriegn and You are beautiful! I lift up this family to you - i lift up all the students and faculty - and I honestly don't know what to say beyond that. May we truly see the body of Christ come together during this time. We need You - more than we'll ever know or understand.

2 comments:

Karen Bickerdike said...

That is so incredibly sad. I am sorry about your friend. Her friends and family will be prayed for by me. Hugs....karen

Marcia Stutes said...

I heard about the accident yesterday. Not knowing how to pray, I have simply been praying for everyone who knew and were close to Jessica and I will continue to do so. Your blog thoughts are beautiful...