Wednesday, May 21, 2008

hope with patience.

But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24-25

When reading this verse it not only makes me think about Christ coming and being united with Him forever, but it makes me think about my future... my time left here on earth. The desires that He has planted in my heart, yet are not presently being fulfilled. Such as getting married and being a mom. I dont know why, but lately i have this crazy desire to be a mom... every little commercial, song, blog, picture, whatever -makes me get teary eyed and sometimes even ball haha. I dont know the future, i dont know what's going to even happen 2 months from now, but i am so desperately seeking Him. I want Him to be my Life, i want to surrender all that i have, and give my life as an offering to Him. I want to seek Him whenever i faced with any decision that i come across... and as i desperately seek Him the desires continue to burn inside of me and grow... yet patience is the key. I can't let myself settle for anything less... i have to continue to hope and trust in Him, and one day He is going to fulfill whatever His plans are for me, and the time i spent waiting and knowing Him will be all worth it.

It's so crazy, how my struggles have changed... i no longer get afraid. It's like through my fears and failures, i am constantly on my face before the Lord... and my tears, even though they may flow abundantly at times, behind the crying is this heart that is truly full of joy... i have never felt more close to the Lord, but it's different... it's like this NEARNESS that i can't explain... i dont ever want it to end.

I can see myself changing and at times it's very scary. I feel like this confidence has come out of no where, i mean i've been praying for it, but i dont know it's weird. I was sitting in class and noticed how i felt different. I was like o my goodness... i really am growing. But i never want it to become pride.... i want to have confidence in who God created me to be, and to live that out FULLY... not letting anyone tear me down or steal my joy, but know that this is who I am in the Lord, and i desire to be this person.

k well that's enough for now.

Father i dont even know if this blog will make sense to anyone, but you know my heart and my thoughts... even the ones that i cant even form into sentences... Thank you Father for Life... thank you for everything that you are doing in my life... continue to move Father, continue to change who i am, into who You created me to be. Help me to fall in love with you and seek You above anyone or anything else. I want you Father, i want to desire you more than anything in this world... Help me to truly surrender and give my life to You and allow you to take over. i love you God!

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