Tuesday, May 6, 2008

realizing....

Tonight is about to be a big night for me - i am freaking out and scared to death.... i've been praying/thinking for about an hour now and i have to get my mind off of it and do something else... while i wait.
From Beth Moore today and yesterday.....
Keep yourself in the love of God, expecting the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ for eternal life.
Jude 21
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with all of you. 2 Corinthians 13:13
Beth says she tried an experiment one time while speaking with a group of women.... she asked each of them to look their neighbor in the eye and say, "God loves me so much." She says almost instinctively they turned to one another and said, "God loves you so much." She brought this to their attention and asked why it was so hard for them to do what she requested? Beth says we so readily accept God's love for others, but struggle with the belief that He loves us just as equally, radically, completely, and unfailingly....
She says she struggled with God's love for her because she knew herself, her struggles, sins, weakness - all of these reasons why God shouldn't love her.... We don't believe that others struggle as much as we do, or are as big a mess and confusion inside like we are... (I CAN DEFINETLY ADMIT THAT ONE) But why is it that we have such difficulty believing that God could love us this much and it be unfailing and unconditional? Beth Moore says it's because we relentlessly insist on trying to humanize God, we tend to love people according to how they act, and we keep trying to create God in our image....
I struggled when i read this.... i had to admit to myself that i do, for some odd reason, find myself thinking God loves others more than me... i dont believe it, i know it's not true, but somewhere in me it's like i don't think He is working in my life and speaking to me... i can be so quick to see Him in others lives, to help point them to Him and see what He is speaking or showing them, but yet i can't even see Him in my life? He is speaking and He is there... but why can i see it? and why do i point it out so quickly in their lives, but act like it doesn't exist in mine?
Father make my heart aware of how much you love me... open my eyes to see you in my own life... i know you are there... Help me to come back to you.. i need you... especially tonight with what is about to take place... please take control Father, i just want to live for you... i need you.

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