Something has been on my mind today, because of the date.... I am not able to share what that is at the moment, but one day i will. For God's glory! It won't seem to go away though, and i can't figure out why. Maybe it hasn't been dealt with fully.
I am starting to see Levi as the little kid that he is... some days my patience is running thin and he can be so annoying, but this week i've seen him in a different light. My heart felt different towards him today. We had to run some errands, one of the stops being a shop for Zoey to try on uniforms for school... Levi and I sat on the floor outside her dressing room, waiting to see if we approved of how the shirts fit. I looked over at him sitting on the floor indian style, being completely silent... Something was just different today. When i looked at him, i felt like i loved him and wanted to cry. Next, we went to get my oil changed. With it being a new place for them, they were clinging to my side. We all 3 squished into 2 chairs, Levi sitting in the middle. He looked at me at one point and said, "i'm cold"... i told him to scoot back and i'd block the air, maybe then it'd be warmer! We sat there for about 20 minutes. There was a dog in the waiting room, a big one. Levi wanted to pet it, but was too scared... he said he wanted me to pet it first. I didn't feel like it, but now i regret it.... I could have been apart of the Lord bringing him joy today, just by petting a dog. He just wanted to see that he wouldn't bite, but i was too tired to get up. Levi is usually Mr. take charge, i can do this! He's at the age where he wants to do everything on his own, yet he also wants to copy his older sister. He follows her EVERYWHERE, wants to sit RIGHT next to her, things of that sort. She gets annoyed alot of the time, and doesn't want anything to do with him.... but then there are days when your heart can't help but be softened by what you see. She'll sit with him, her arm around his shoulder, or snuggle up in the same sleeping bag watching a movie.... there are the occasional moments when she will care for him, asking what he'd like to eat.... It's beautiful to see siblings love. I know it has to be hard for her and even annoying, but he loves his older sis and wants her approval so bad. I need to love Levi more, do the activites that he truly takes delight in, no matter how sweaty that might involve me getting. I need to be patient and let him try things on his own, instead of rushing and worrying about what mess he might make. I need to see him for who he is, and approach him that way. He fell asleep today (on accident) while watching a movie...i couldn't help but see the innocence in his face while he was asleep! Children are beautiful when they are sleeping. You realize how much they need you, you feel like you just want to pick them up and hug them, love on them.... I just kept sitting there, glancing over and watching him as he slept. I can't wait to have a child of my own! I love you, even though you don't exist yet, and i pray for you!
Thankyou Father for Levi! Thank you for this opportunity to grow and learn about you. Open my eyes to continue to see you for who you are and what it is that you are teaching me through this job. Help me to love Levi the way that he specifically needs it. Be with him tomorrow as he hangs out with his friends... be with his parents as they raise him. Help them to love him also! I do come to you now praying for my children, you know them even though they aren't concieved yet... prepare me to be the Mother and Woman that they need. Take my heart Father, mold it. I need you, thank you for Life! It's beautiful!