so i took Rebecca's advice and changed my background to my blog.... i had nothing better to do. Although, i don't think i like what i picked out, so tomorrow it could possibly be different. My mom's parents took the long walk up the back yard tonight and came for a short visit. We sat out on the deck talking, then moved inside to sing, and then watched the end of the Texas A&M/Florida softball game. Yes - A&M won! Not that i care, but someone else might like to know. :) I'm not much of a sport person i am learning... o but i try so hard to be - i try to pay attention, act interested and care, but it just never seems to work out for me. I always seem to forget where i am at, lose track of score, get caught up in others conversations, watch kids play, so many other things that can distract this wandering brain of mine. horrible... haha!
Most people know me and know that i struggle with anxiety and thinking entirely TOO much, TOO long, and TOO deep on issues... with this babysitting job this summer this has been my number 1 fear. What am i going to do ALL day to keep myself busy and my mind away from worrying/thinking to much? I asked Zoey what she liked to do, and kind of threw some ideas out there to see what she thought... so starting tomorrow we are going to get in 'some routine' for the summer. Here are my thoughts - once the pool is open we will swim everyday (if the weather permits) and this will take place after lunch during the hottest part of the day. Every other monday will be Mcdonald's day - just to do something different for lunch - plus Levi loves to play in the arcade game room thingy. Every Tuesday and Thursday we will have a short kind of school activity to keep their minds going throughout the summer. Wednedays we'll be at the Library in the mornings for the Reading Club - then lunch, then swimming in the afternoon... of course! Friday's i'm unsure about - maybe we'll go to the new, improved, cool park by the hospital... but early in the morning that way it's not incredibly hot. I'm thinking everyday for about 30 minutes to an hour we will need some down time which would be laying on the couch watching tv. I need more activities though - AHH i'm such a freak. I'm just trying to plan something consistent for each day and get a routine so there's not lots of just time to sit, be lazy, and think.
Want to know HOW BIG of a freak i am? I cleaned Levi's room the other day.... yes i did. He's not even my kid, but i just couldn't help myself. I made his bed, put all the toys in bens and moved them around in his room so it didn't LOOK like there was SO much stuff. It's all about the placement, you know?! Maybe one day i'll go so crazy in sane that i'll go through Zoey's room!! but that one will take probably a week!
I commited to this job a few months back, thinking that if i couldn't do it my sister could take over. One day a month ago i started worrying and decided maybe Casie should do it... and i get a REAL job so that i could start saving money for moving out in a year into my own apartment and starting LIFE. The next day i asked Casie if she wanted the job and she replies with, "i just got a job" .... so here i am, realizing that i need to trust in God. This is where He wants me, and He has something for me to learn. Who knows what He is training me for, but i am going to give it my all and try my hardest to look for Him EVERYDAY. Maybe He's training me for Motherhood - being a stay at home mom, or mom in general.... WHO KNOWS! But this is where i am - and we know that for a FACT!! haha aint no going around it or getting out of it. Settling for a babysitting job, with less pay, learning to trust in my Father with EVERY ounce of my life, heart, mind, and soul. Seems like He's trying to get my attention in this area huh?
Well i guess i've said enough for now. Tomorrow's the big day - Pray for me! Love you all! (and the 2 of you who read my blog - you know who you are - i REALLY look up to yall... i just want you to know that... no matter how ackward or weird that is. Your wisdom, love, faith, relationships with your family, it all amazes me! k that's all!) Night!
Thank you Father, for awesome Christian women and moms to look up to... I can't wait to be one some day, but i need Your help.... take my heart Father, here it is... ready for You. I want to surrender to You! I love You!